My Brother is Getting Married

Bear with me while I whine a bit...

Am I totally wrong for feeling weird (and maybe a bit jealous) over the fact that my brother is going to get married next year? He told me he was going to propose at Thanksgiving, maybe around spring-time, and he did just a few weeks ago.

I do really like the girl he's going to marry, and it seems she's pretty easy going about everything, so the wedding will probably go off with out a hitch...but I'm just feeling a bit strange over the whole thing. My baby brother is getting married, has found a person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and I still haven't. It's just made me a bit depressed, and I'm even more down and out about it because it makes me feel selfish to think this way. I've given myself a lot of time to chew on this too...so it isn't like I'm just jumping on some feelings that popped up when this all started to happen.

I feel I have to work lots harder to reach my goals, have had some serious setbacks, force myself to overcome incredible difficulties...and my brother just waltzes around and has this incredible luck with his jobs and the women he meets. And now he has this amazing woman to spend the rest of his life with and I feel as if it just hasn't been fair. I'm a bit less than happy with work and don't feel appreciated at all, plus I seriously thought I was in some fairy-tale relationship once upon a time, and not only did it go sour, but just about ruined my life as well. It seems things must thunder, lighting and then be knocked down by hurricane force winds before they end for me instead of just having a rain and letting me know it isn't working. I definitely have a life it pours on...and trust me, I would catch the hint if the clouds started rolling in and I was blessed enough to actually have a warning.

Granted, I don't want Prince Charming, they don't exist in real life. And I do have a wonderful relationship NOW though, and maybe things will work out with us, but I occasionally feel like if I start to think about taking this a step farther, all I'll do is step on my brother's toes because he was engaged first. What a conundrum!

I AM happy for my brother. Really. I'm also really glad he doesn't have to deal with the hardships I do, 'cause they suck and I'm not sure I would wish them on anybody. But sometimes I wish big, life-altering, happy things would come to me a bit easier as well...occasionally. Without me having to go to Hell and back first.

Oh God. I'm going to have to wear a bridemaid dress.