Selfish Bizatch

That's me I suppose. I can't really justify how I'm feeling right now about turning 30. First off, I really don't think I'm old or anything seeing as I'm in better shape than most of my students, but it is a milestone and I just thought I'd have more things accomplished. Such as? Well, being married and having children were at the top of the list by the time I was 30, so was actually owning assets. I don't own anything really. I beat up old horse trailer doesn't much count...though I suppose I could live in it in a pinch...

Right now what is bothering me more than anything is that I'm due a birthday bash. I planned on turning 30 with a bang if I couldn't have everything else and have some fun for a change. That isn't going to happen once again. I actually had fun planned, and it's being waylayed as usual. It's the only weekend I'm home so there is no rescheduling this one. My birthdays spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R for some reason. Let me give you a run down:

21 - the last enjoyable birthday. Worked all day but got to shoot some pool and legally drink in the bar a bit since I had to work the next day.

22 - Working a horse show for my Nazi boss. DJ showed up to say hi...with another girl.

23 - Ice cream and pizza in front of a movie on my couch.

24 - Work up and told DJ he needed to be gone by the end of the week, something we had been discussing for quite some time. I was tired of him freeloading off me and supporting his sorry @ss. I left and when I returned he was gone. Never saw nor heard from him again. Sorry state after spending almost 5 years with somebody.

25 - Corey left for work in the morning, was drunk by noon and never came home. I called on a place to rent and moved in the next day before he came back from his "business trip".

26 - Had a Margarita with a friend from work. Went home alone.

27 - Worked all day. Went to bed early.

28 - Last day of my trip to Greece. Was separated from my students and group at the ship yard terminal and fought down anxiety for almost an hour until they appeared. Wanted to have a nice dinner and walk the Old District, but nobody would go with me so I went to bed early since we had to fly out at 5 am.

29 - Begged Shane to hold to his word that I was working a bull-riding with him. Went and worked hard, enjoyed the crowd and was treated to a nice dinner the following day. Unfortunately everything was a bit overshadowed by the fact that the Texas Troll had been discovered a week previous cheating with my boyfriend and I was demoted to "friend" after 6 months...and went into a pathetic, self-wallowing pity instead of telling him exactly where to stick it. I did however do this a few months later after re-gaining my self-confidence, and we are working on re-building trust still. Having worked through such a situation has been trying, but I feel it has been worth the effort on both our parts. It just sucked it had to be my birthday.

30 - Monday, June 9th 2008. The funeral of Shane's grandfather. I have to spend the day with his feuding family.

I would like to start the "Send Danielle to RIO Fund...to Make Up For All Her Lousy Birthdays". I just need the plane fare and maybe some cash for cocktails. I will sleep on the beach.