Installment 2

Alright, lets start with 8pm November 11th as I sit in front of the woodstove grading papers and chatting with my landlord. Out of the blue he tells me I must find a new place to live as he is bringing in calves daily to be branded and shipped out and needs a full time worker. I'm not enough since I have to 'go to work' as he puts it. He's moving in somebody new that weekend. I don't have to move quite yet but it will be crowded for awhile. I'm dumbfounded, and then later hysterical.

Fast forward to the next evening after staying up all night compiling a list of people to e-mail, call and any other contacts I may need. I have a key in hand to look at a house only a mile from the ranch where I can keep horses. If nothing else I can work through a crisis and am efficient.

I can't afford a rent as I have not budgeted for it. I am a wreak, but bite the bullet and sign a lease as it's a good deal, great location and I'm not finding anything else. I take two and a half days off school in total. Just want I want to waste my vacation time on. By Friday night my house is completely moved. By Sunday evening all the horses, dogs and chickens have new homes and fences (with me at the new house).

The reality of the situation still has not sunk in as I have a house full of boxes thrown together in my haste to move before the trip to Europe. And this all on top of everything else in my life; namely people I thought I could count on are still confused by the concept of integrity.

I have lost 15 pounds in the last month. My skin is a wreck. I don't sleep a night through. I'm freaked out about money. I'm considering selling my truck despite having only 9 more payments on it, and selling the horses. I feel like everything I have worked hard for is going to disappear. I'm 30 and don't have an ounce of security.

Turns out the rumors are my former landlord is most likely going under, he's shipping off hundreds of calves a week to pay his note at the auctions and he mortgaged his home in Pagosa without letting his wife know. Maybe this is safer deal for me, but why did he have to go about doing it like this? Why not just be honest and give me some breathing room? It makes me look bad and it makes me feel like I did something wrong despite his apologies for the whole situation.

This whole thing on top of everything else has been almost too much. I'm really not sure what keeps me going from day to day. Europe was surreal and though I enjoyed it, everything was overlayed with this horrible feeling of panic.

On top of it all to start off school this week I was accused of being the sole reason why a child was ineligible to play basketball by his parents. Excuse me, why is this my problem? Why can't anyone actually take responsibility for themselves? Try doing your work you little jerk and maybe you'd actually have a passing grade.

I will write about the trip though soon. Just give me time to find the rest of my life buried in some strange house I now call 'home'.