Anyone who knows me or has followed my blog knows how I keep myself busy...and also how when events occur in my life they tend to take on the resemblance of a whirlwind. Take my wedding as an example, or even my pregnancy. Despite the fact we were engaged at the beginning of July and married at the end of November many people thought we should have given more time. I'm glad we didn't because there was enough drama built up over such a short time in planning, but I'm still getting used to the married life. Now compound that with being pregnant and having the busiest and most stressful spring work-wise ever.
Husband
Wife
Step-mother
Mother
Pregnancy
Birth (ahhhhhhhh!)
Baby
In-laws (boo, hiss, boooooooooooo)
Anyway - those a a few of the terms that just don't quite roll off this independent gals tongue quite so easily yet. It really hasn't helped that I haven't had much time to actually sit down and contemplate life in a long, long time either.
I don't see this as irresponsible as I still make sure I'm as responsible as ever concerning anything that has come into my life, but I find myself sitting on the couch some evenings after a long day waking from what I can only describe as 'automatic mode', and looking around myself like I'm only just realizing this is all real.
It's a strange and unsettling feeling. I hate going through the motions of certain tasks feeling completely removed from them - such as being instant mom. Nate's daughter and I haven't had the easiest few months this spring as she continue to defy myself and her teachers now after visits with grandma. We tried everything from short visits to overnighters, asked grandma to be on the same page as us concerning behavior, following lines of questioning that doesn't involved how much she misses her and how she should visit more and more along the lines of what she does and school and home - but to no avail. Visits result in swearing, tattling, falsely accusing other children, pushing and acting violent towards other children. After a week of no visits these seem to dissipate - so guess what? No more visits. It also puts a horrid stress on the marriage and things are much calmer in the house when there is no acting up. I've put my foot down with behavior - either everyone behaves like adults or leave until you can. I can't handle the stress. It's working just fine so far.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a family member to trust to watch the kids? I'm afraid that's not written in the stars for this marriage. We're on our own. That combined with her increasing criticism of everything involving me (basically the fact Nate is still married to me - seriously - what a horrible concept eh?), the MIL is pretty much cut out of our lives. And my mother hasn't said a peep to me about my pregnancy all surrounding the facts we had a house before the wedding and I was upset for 30 seconds after getting left with the salon bill the morning of the wedding. I guess when you get married in my family you are supposed to walk away from the family you grew up with. Whatever.
I'm not really in a bad mood or anything, it's just that as things have slowed down I'm finally starting to look at the issues that have been going on that I've been maybe complaining about, but avoiding due to time constraints. Overall the situation concerning parent's is quite bleak - and bothersome. And quite honestly I'm at a point in my pregnancy that I'm not dealing with everyone else anymore. For almost 6 months it's been about trying to make things right whenever there is a spare second, addressing household issues, conferencing with pre-school teachers and psychologists, dealing with school budget woes and the classroom. It think time has come for me.
When I sat down the other night all I could think was, "Oh my GOD I'm PREGNANT!". I believe that was a bit more than a 'little' delay in my thinking.
23 weeks today. Leave the girls out of it. They make everything seem 3 times larger than normal. If they don't get under control later the word 'reduction' will become an intimate part of their vocabulary. Here that gals? After nursing you are going back to normal. This is your one and only warning. I can't afford the size you are. It's too weird and nobody carries it. Are you readers ready for the size? Scroll down....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
34F with no end in site (I'm normally a 32D)....right now I'm squeezing into a 36 D which is the best I could do in the valley. I'm heading to Pueblo this weekend to attempt to remedy the situation. I need support!!! I don't like porn star girls.
7 comments:
Haha, after I read your new size, I had to go back up and examine your boobs in the photo! Poor thing. Mine just went to a DD, so they are actually pleasant looking! But I don't think I've seen the end of it ;-)
You know, life has a funny way of working itself out. I think it's good you write and get it all out. You can look back and see where you've been, where you've come from. And we can to. So you might only see these issues right now, because they are always in the forefront, but we can see the life progression and the progress and all the good things that have happened to you over the years. Hope you have a good day!
I have a feeling your parents will come around. Babies have a way of mending some fences.
Your girls are HUGE!
I was a C or D before having kids, while pregnant I've been a DD, and in the beginning of nursing I got even bigger, but settled back down to a D or DD. I pretty much went back to the same pre-pregnancy size after the other two, but not the same shape....I can only imagine what they'll look like after Jonah's done nursing!
Babies do mend fences, your folks will come around and your MIL might change her tune once she realizes that the new bebe is also her grandchild.
It's tough not having family close by - I won't lie. I often think of how great it would be if I could call my mom in the morning and take an afternoon off to run errands and breathe. But you find friends who are willing to trade babysitting with you and things work out.
I too cannot find any bras in my town, let alone nursing bras. I order them from Nordstrom - they have one nursing option and it's pretty good (expensive, but worth it). Other than that you can order a ton of different maternity/nursing bras from JCP - and if you have one close by you can have it delivered to the store for free.
Your girls look great :) Enjoy it because they do shrink back...lol I would totally go to motherhood or something to see if they can help find the perfect bra. I found some great bras at target. I went straight to the nursing bras because I found them comfortable. You look great and I LOVE the belly!!
Don't worry about all that family stuff. They're the ones missing out and you can't control them anyway. Take care of yourself and your immediate family. The rest needs to be a two way street or it's just not worth the effort. Take it from someone who knows. Happiness does not come from the in-laws or the family of origin. It comes from within.
Babies are magical when it comes to family things.
Now that you've realized your pregnant, take some time and enjoy it! I hope that you are able to put yourself first before that new little one comes!
Too funny about your girls. I think I got up to maybe, maybe a C. Now they're back to being deflated and small. Guess nursing four kiddos will do that.
I'm so sorry about your family woes. I know that is added stress you definitely do not need during pregnancy.
Post a Comment