Oh - You So Know I Wasn't Giving Up...

...riding for 10 months did you? Seriously? I think I've given it up now until the baby is born (because I can't get my foot in the stirrup), but this was me last Wednesday. Not sure what I'm saying - or if I'm surprised - or what to explain my facial expression - and why the picture is a little washed out, but Maggie and I had a nice ride bring up calves for a calf roper that evening. Don't worry. I wouldn't ride if I didn't know she would take complete care of me.

If you have a problem with that come deal with her:

Thought we were having a baby yesterday. When we got out of the rodeo, Nate and I walked around the carnival, ate some good carni food and just were hanging out when I started feeling a little 'wet'. Not really abnormal, but by the time we walked to the truck it definitely felt abnormal. As I couldn't see I asked Nate to take a look - and my shorts were soaked. We were like, "um, I think we need to go to the hospital..." So we went and the admitting nurse was sure I broke my water (there was that much) - but in checking, the tests weren't coming back as amniotic fluid, even though they aren't 100%. My Doctor was on call, sent me home and told me I could have a rupture but there was plenty of fluid in there and the baby's head could be blocking the rupture because it's "RIGHT THERE!" - which coincidentally is making it hard for me to walk. Anyway - went home to see if contractions started or had anymore leakage, and 24 hours later nothing is out of the ordinary so I guess we had a total false alarm. Oh well.

Speaking of babies here's my baby from last year chillin' with his mommy. He's been weaned for about 7 months, and is incredibly independent for a herd animal, but still loves to spend time with his mom from time to time. She's not really protective of him, but I catch them together from time to time in a mother/son pose. It's sweet to see how animals still have affection for their offspring.

And these little buggers flew the coop the day after I got this picture, but I just thought they were so cute to watch grow up. It was hard to get a picture because the nest is up under the roof of the house and there's only a few inches between the bottom of the roof and the top of the nest. They were hanging out over the edge this day so I snapped a picture while mom and dad dive bombed me. I think I was ducking while I took this - which is why it's a little blurry.

When I'm Off My Game...

...I don't notice things like I should; such as where my young Indian Runner hen disappeared to. Until now. Look what she has tucked away in a spot I can't get to with the belly! I'm not sure these eggs will even be viable since they are small, or if they're even all hers or if she's sharing a nest with my young Buff hen. But since I have no idea how long she's had this nest going, and because she's broody and really wants to hatch them I figure I'll count down from the first day I noticed her sitting and just wait to see. Otherwise I'll just have to throw the eggs away anyway. If I get some babies great - if not then no big loss.

But I'm not completely off my game...Guess where I'm heading off to in this picture? Hint: look to the left and figure out what you see through the trailer window...

Time's ticking down! We have what will stand in as a nursery in the corner of our little bedroom set up - and I've started packing my bag for the hospital, because....

My doctor is still here due to some unforeseen circumstances! And he thinks I may be going into labor before my due date of Aug. 27th - and I won't be making it until the 27th anyway because he will be leaving before then and has promised to induce me on the 20th! I'm not totally sold on the induction - but it is an option. I want to be sure I'm ready to go because I REALLY don't want to end up having a c-section because the induction doesn't work. If I have a c-section it had better be because we have no choice and there is a problem. So we'll be talking more about that all in my appointment later this week.

Um...Sorry!?

My lilies are in bloom!

I actually didn't realize how long it's been since I blogged last, and when I received two back to back calls from friends wondering if there was anything wrong since they hadn't seen any new updates lately I figured I'd better let my blogging buddies know I'm still alive!

I've been semi-busy, but nothing really has been happening which is why I haven't felt I've had much to update!!!

So in a nutshell:

I'm teaching swim lessons everyday. Group lessons each morning and private lessons afterwards, sometimes well into the afternoon! Granted those days make me tired, but I really am enjoying being in the water! I've gotten really popular as a private instructor and am known as "that pregnant teacher". So when people call the pool to set up an appointment that's how they refer to me. I've had a few women ask me if they think I, "should really still be doing this..." and I always let them know how great it makes me feel and how my doctor has told me how happy I'm going to be for keeping all "those muscles toned". Seriously, do they think I should just be sitting on my arse all day or what?

I shrunk the belly. Really. One day I woke up and could see my feet again. Nate came home one day and was like, "whoa - where'd he go? or did your boobs just get bigger?" The answers are - under my ribs (ouch) and yes.

Wrigley won a photo contest. Go here to check him out! I love this company, for small AND big dogs! We entered FOREVER ago, but it stayed active and he was chosen this month! Yeah for free stuff!

I'm knitting. I've been wanting to learn for a long time, have looked at books, everything...but never started. I finally decided I was going to and went to our little knitting shop in town to check out lessons and was told by the owner to just come in and she'd teach me! So I took advantage of it and after a lot of dropped stitches, somehow adding a billion stitches to rows and some major mistakes - I actually have a nice little project going. It's not as totally perfect as I'd like - but my teacher told me I'm being anal and it looks great. So yeah me! It's really the only thing I've done for myself all summer.

I'm still the horrid step-monster that has the audacity to drive her all over to her extra-curricular activities and attempt to suggest things like getting a pedicure and stopping for ice cream. I gave up on Barbie.

I take time every evening after it cools off to play fetch with the dogs. The sun is pretty brutal at this elevation during the day so I siesta if I'm not at the pool.

I came...

I saw...

I conquered...even though it's as big as me.
What about the ball? Just pet me! Maverick isn't into the whole 'fetch' thing like Wrigley and Dixie are.

Tinkerbell the pony came home after visiting with a friend for a few weeks. I thought that would jump-start my step-daughter into missing her and wanting to be around her more. When am I going to learn 'oh how wrong I always am'? She really is a sweet thing and I think she deserves to be loved by some little boy or girl so I want to sell her. I don't want to pay to feed her for nothing. It's not fair to either of us. I had some initial interest when I first put her out for sale, and then no follow ups to actually see her. Bummer. So if anyone knows of someone looking for a sturdy little pony - please contact me!!!

He's got legs! Here's my baby boy from last year on the far right. As you can see he's about all legs and we still don't know what his final color will be. AND....his front legs are straightening out quite nice overall. We keep him trimmed and have been working them into his growth spurts bit by bit.

They're watching the crop duster about 100 yards from the house in this picture. As you can see everyone is getting nice and fat since mom can't work them and show them this summer. They are in horsey heaven.

I love when the crop duster buzzes the house. It's so cool to watch. He goes right under the wires.

Ok - I will attempt to do better from now on with my posting! Adios!

Blah!

My evil twin Andrea came to visit from MI last week. It was sweet. I need more people to be friends with here that I've known forever. I probably talked her head off. It wasn't a long visit, but we had the opportunity to chill at the pool, go to the dunes, visit and shop in Creede and go bra shopping (because the girls stopped behaving again and now nothing fits. And I refuse to order bras online as my experience has shown only about 1 in 10 bras are worth buying and I can't afford to deal with shipping costs over and over. I also can't wear an underwire anymore. Try finding support now! HA! - but it's really not funny). It was only at Walmart, but can I say that Danskin sports wear is my hero and their lined sports bras are saving my life? Or rather - at least the girls - for now.

Other than getting more and more tired and more and more uncomfortable - everything is great. I'm still mad at my doctor for leaving me, but at least I have one last visit with him and then I'm pretty much in the home stretch anyway. There's not much to say about the medical field here in the valley, so when someone like him (who actually is knowledgeable) leaves, it sucks. It makes me nervous, but I've had a pretty uneventful pregnancy thus far and all signs point to that staying the same. So now that I've cursed myself, I'm going with the one midwife we have her that works out of the hospital. She believes in hospital directives (which isn't saying much here, but at least we have a 'flight for life' to Denver), and painkillers. Not to offend anyone because this is my personal opinion, but screw that natural birth stuff. I know I'm tough. I've been bucked off horses. I've been bucked off horses on railroad tracks and have scars. It hurt and I almost passed out more than once but worked through it and got back in the saddle half conscience - to lead a parade no doubt. I also had a horse turn over on me and crush my foot. Did you know there are more nerve endings in your foot than anywhere else in your body? And that one of the most dense bones is found in your foot? I shattered it. That took a lot of force. If I had had the choice for painkillers THEN I would have taken them, but I didn't have that choice. Now I have the choice and I want them. I don't feel the need to prove how tough I am. I already have. Yeah me.

My immediate family still isn't involved with my pregnancy. I guess it is bothering me since I'm blogging about it. I found out recently that nobody really knows - which means my mom hasn't told my billions of family members. My Uncle also died a few weeks back and I had a ticket ready to purchase for the funeral and then I got to thinking...I didn't want to fly home for a funeral and have it turn out to be about me and this pregnancy nobody knows about. How uncomfortable for my mom right? When she's supposed to be grieving for her brother? And everyone's wondering why they didn't know her only daughter and firstborn is expecting...soon? Her first grandchild?

Yes, I'm understandably upset and I'm thinking my uncle would have told me to just let her get over it and give it time - That not going was the right thing for her to work through her feelings concerning his loss. I feel like everyone wants a little piece of me and I'm supposed to not ever be upset, or disappointing, or disagreeable or I'm not part of the family. I guess all this coming on the end of a surprise pregnancy that scares the shit out of me, trying to be a step-mother that I feel I fail at miserably, walking on eggshells around the MIL and trying to get that in a happier place (despite being totally ostracized by the rest of my husbands' family over religion), and doing the best I can to be everything my husband wants me to be - makes me feel I don't have many places for me to turn to for support.

Honestly I don't know where all that just came from - but evidently I needed to get it out. I'm overwhelmed and scared half to death to bring a baby into this all.

Ugh. I hate it when my post turns into a pity party. What I need to do is go out with my camera and take photos of everything I have worked to hard for and write a post about that. So - as of now I'm making that my assignment for next week.

Gotta Wear Shades, Amongst Other Things...

Lots of stuff going on here. Put up a temporary fence for the horses so they can eat down some of the grass along both sides of the drive, waiting for our next flood for irrigation, am getting a great tan while teaching swim lessons each morning and I just got back from the doctors and everything's great - the cyst I had is gone, I haven't had any more sciatic nerve issues and basically now all I have to do is wait. However, the bad news is my doctor's leaving for another practice a month before the baby is due. S0 that more or less leaves me high and dry concerning a doctor... that's competent. Of course I am going with whom he suggested, but still. It pisses me off.

In other news: Wrigley's puppies are of age to sell and we went to visit to see the litters! Way too cute and I'm so glad I already had stud fees in hand and the pick of litter was wanted by the females' owner or I would have taken her home. There were 6 in one litter and 2 in the other (he 'accidentally' knocked up another female while visiting). Two babies died at birth when mom bit their umbilical cords too close, but everyone else was super healthy with a little help from the owners. There were 4 black and silver dapples, a red dapple, and 4 sables. Not too bad since both moms were straight red and Wrigley was the only one with any color! He has proven himself!!! Yeah!!!

Huge Wilderness fire burning behind our house in the sand dunes area. Since it's wilderness they've been letting it burn for about a week. It blew up today, but still is in an uninhabited area. Very cool to watch. I hope this doesn't turn out to be a crazy fire season since last year sucked and I can't go out on anything this year due to the belly. Can't believe how much I miss it! The peaks are at about 13,500 feet there so it gives you an idea of how high that plume is.

Mooooove Over Betsy! Or Better Known as Today I'm 32 and 28 Weeks Pregnant

Betsy's the big Longhorn in the background. I think I rival her? What do you think? She's living next to the house with a bunch of her friends this summer. She came by to say Happy Birthday.

Anywho. I started my morning off with a mile and half hike to bring in the horses from pasture and digging out some irrigation flows since we're flood irrigated here and the water for the horse pasture finally arrived - so I need to take advantage of it. Nate was still sleeping. Men. It was 6 am though and he didn't know the water had come up overnight. Still - men. But it is nice to know I may be preggers and still self-sufficient.

So now I'm off to teach swim lessons in my snazzy colorful swimsuit. I really don't care what I look like anymore really. I'm pregnant. Get over it.

My Iris's are blooming like crazy. The yellow ones opened first and are almost done, then the purple and are starting to finish up, redish came next and are at their height and the white ones opened yesterday morning. I didn't plant them so it's been interesting to see what I have. Columbine's are now opening and the tulips started but didn't do well after it froze a few nights in a row. Few other perennials took a hard hit but will make a come back and I lost almost all my annuals. Now I wish it would cool off! We went from super windy and dry to super humid and hot. Not a normal weather pattern for the valley. It's usually pretty cool in the summer here. I think the Michigan weather followed me special for my pregnancy.

Summer is Upon US!

I do actually have internet at home now, but it's slow and I'm back at my summer spot - the coffee house. However I don't anticipate this happening to often with a surly 5 year old (that I don't have today because she's with grandma - more on that later).

Sorry I don't have any pictures but Memorial Day weekend was fun! We went rafting on the Rio Grande - I wore a bathing suit in all my pregnant glory - and then stayed up 'till all hours of the night with my 'drinking' friends. Luckily I had another sober soul with me who's preggers as well. It was a beautiful day and sunshine, sunburns and beautiful water abounded!

I sent off my step-daughter's pony for the summer. Somebody wanted to borrow her and I'll be damned if I'm going to feed the little bugger when her 'owner' throws a fit everytime I suggest she spend some time brushing her or petting her. Now she's pissed at me. Oh well. She can pay for her feed then.

I don't have to take those damn pills from the doctor unless I think I need to. He said they really shouldn't be used over a long period of time and I did the right thing by not taking them as often as prescribed the way they made me feel. Thank God! I thought I as going to be tweaking for the next few months.

I shipped of my Step-daughter for the next 4 days to a family reunion with her grandparent's. I finally had to hash it out with my MIL and explain how her gradndaughter's behavior is not only not appropriate when she comes home from any kind of visit, but I've also about had it with her son and it's becoming clear to me that we get 'different stories' - and that from now on we have no 'go betweens' but actually communicate with one another. She was dumbstruck. She said she had no idea how bad her granddaughter was behaving and thought Nate was over-exaggerating. Bottom line - I need a break. It's been expected of me to be this great, fantastic mother and wife from the start and I've been pregnant the whole time. I haven't been cut a break and I'm tired of being a glorified babysitter and not living up to Nate's expectations. I laid down the law finally. I've been overwhelmed with trying to adapt as a wife and mother and deal with my own fears and exhaustion this pregnancy has brought on. It's my turn and I'm going to be a selfish bitch. Excuse the expression. I told my MIL that and said since she's been trying to contact me lately with wanting to help - than this is what she could do: Get her granddaughter out of my hair for a bit and work on her behavior so that when I do have her I don't have a crying whiny baby, and to tell her son to back off and stop playing games with us both - and be supportive rather than a whiny baby also. I also am making him go to therapy with me. I'm not his ex-wife who sat on her butt eating Cheetos through the pregnancy and never stopped. I'm an active person and having to slow down has been hard on me as well, but if I need to sit down I don't think I should be made to feel guilty because I'm not spending "enough time with his daughter". When the hell is he spending time with her?

This isn't hormonal either - this is me trying to please, please, please everyone and not getting anything in return. It's ending now. I'm too independent and if I don't try and fix it then I know myself, I'll leave and do it myself (which isn't really what I would want in the long run).

So I'm going to Gunnison for a weekend with some girlfriends. We have a conference and I can't wait for the short escape. I also am starting to teach swim lessons on Monday. They only last for a few hours each morning and then I have the rest of the day to myself for the rest of the summer. I'm very excited about this.

Aggravated Uterus

I'd be aggravated to if I was made to stretch into the shape and size of various athletic balls and large fruits over the course of a few months (not to mention being compared to those objects).

So my boring, uncomplicated pregnancy became a step towards complicated last night when I spent three hours in the hospital hooked up to various machines while a nurse tried to figure out exactly what was happening. The good news: no contractions. The bad news: my uterus is 'aggravated' which could precede pre-term labor and therefor I am now taking drugs; namely Terbutaline (no I didn't remember that I had to look on the prescription). I also got chewed out for waiting 48 hours before I bothered to call the doctor (but how was I supposed to know it wasn't gas?!).

Basically I now know what it must feel to be a tweaker...and why they call it 'tweaking'. My heart is racing a mile a minute and I can't concentrate on anything. It makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know how anybody can actually want to feel like this...for fun. Good thing school's over or I'd probably be under suspicion.

I also have a list of 'nos' and what I should avoid doing. I hate to tell them but half the things on the list I'm going to do anyway because who else will? Yes, I know, this is where everyone tells me I need to, "ask for help". And this is when I respond, "I would except when I do ask for help I end up having to do it anyway and more inconvenient times." That makes me feel lousy that I got up enough gumption to ask and then I wasn't important enough to the person for them to do it for me when I asked. It's just how it is.

Everything is pre-cautionary anyway and I'm just going to be a little more aware of myself. I know exactly what is causing this. It starts with a capitol S and is spelled S-T-R-E-S-S. There is one major factor contributing to this which I can't control. And I am doing everything possible to try to alleviate it which leads to more stress and disappointment. It's okay, I've dealt with worse, just not with the little parasite growing in my belly at the same time. But who said I wasn't up to a challenge right? If anything my little bugger will be born with some life lessons under his belt already.

Recipes, Phones and Wind...Oh My!

Hold tight and both recipes for Baked French Toast and the Artisan Bread are at the bottom...

My cell service was up for an update and despite absolutely loving my G'Zone Rock - the indestructible cell phone that spent time in a ditch, water tank and falling continually to a variety of ground surfaces - I decided to try something new. I figure if the new phone can't handle my life then I'll just turn the old one back on even though it's missing pieces from it's body. Trying a new phone was free afterall!

So after much debate I decided on the Samsung Reality. It's a touchscreen with a slide up querty keyboard. I've been extremely sceptical (as I usually am with new technology), but I've had it a few days now and so far, so good! I had some initial concerns with it's usage...and then I read through some tutorial material and made life easier for myself. I suggest reading through user manuals if you've never had a touch screen before. I have scratched it already (surprised?) but have a screen cover on it and went ahead and bought a skin to help protect it. I read a billion reviews as well and there weren't any negatives other than battery life - but mine just took 4 days to die after it's initial charge so I certainly don't have a problem with that!

So if I had to give it an initial review:

Fun, not any more expensive despite having to change my plan a little and having a Data package, good sound, has handled a little rough treatment (and feels sturdy), and a perfect size for a gal's pocket...Not sure I would recommend it for a guy as it is small. The keyboard keys stick up a little so that's cool also.

The wind won't stop blowing here. It's making me crazy. My landlady is a lawn freak also and is getting pissed we can't keep the lawn as green as she'd like, but I hate to tell her I'm trying to run sprinklers all night, but between the constant wind all day and night, and the hot sun all day it just dries it right out. That and we can only run one sprinkler at a time or we totally lose water pressure. The good thing is it's enough to keep the lawn alive, the bad thing is it doesn't look very healthy. Nate and came up with some solutions today. For starters we're going to fertilize the crap out of it. And we bought this so we can cover the whole lawn rather than just bits and pieces at a time (we have a really large lawn):

Meet the new addition - The Rain Train!!! Can't wait to see our electric bill from running the water so much.

Notice the broken swing in the background, and the dust and sand in the air. That's what the wind is doing to us here. It's like living through the dust bowl a few months at a time each spring. Though this year seems way worse than it's been in a long time.

Alrighty - as promised - Recipes!

Baked French Toast:

I got this recipe off The Pioneer Woman (link on left). I love the fact that you can change a lot up - such as substituting a sweet bread, adding fruit, and adding Cinnamon to the liquid mixture. Skim milk works great and cutting the butter also works if you are more health conscience. It was sweet enough that butter and syrup really didn't need to be added. What I TRULY loved was that it tasted awesome as leftovers also! If you have fresh eggs I strongly suggest you use them! It really raised it up and gave it a light texture. Store bought eggs gave it a more dense texture (I had to try and brag about my fresh eggs - I think everyone should have a backyard chicken or two, or three).

1 loaf Crusty Sourdough Or French Bread
8 whole Eggs
2 cups Whole Milk
½ cups Whipping (heavy) Cream
¾ cups Sugar
2 Tablespoons Vanilla Extract
Topping
½ cups All-purpose Flour
½ cups Firmly Packed Brown Sugar
1 teaspoon Cinnamon
¼ teaspoons Salt
1 stick Cold Butter, Cut Into Pieces
Fresh Fruit (optional)

Grease 9 x 13-inch baking pan with butter. Tear bread into chunks (or cut into cubes) and evenly distribute in the pan.

Mix together eggs, milk, cream, sugar, and vanilla. Pour evenly over bread. Cover tightly and store in the fridge several hours or overnight.

In a separate bowl, mix flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt. Add nutmeg if desired. Add butter pieces and but into the dry mixture until mixture resembles fine pebbles. Store in a Ziploc in the fridge.

When you’re ready to bake the casserole, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Remove casserole from oven and sprinkle crumb mixture over the top. (If you’re using fruit, sprinkle on before the crumb mixture.) Bake for 45 minutes for a softer, more bread pudding texture. Bake 1 hour or more for a firmer, less liquid texture.

Scoop out individual portions. Top with butter and drizzle with maple syrup.

Simple Artisan Crust Bread

You're going to die when you see how easy this is. Adding honey, spices, cheese, for taste also works well. Those of you at high elevations: I live at 8,000 feet and didn't have to change a thing. It wasn't a very dense bread, but if you want it a little lighter add a little flour and take away some yeast. Yeast rises much faster at a high elevation. You can also punch it down once and let it rise again or add a little salt. But like I said I didn't have any problems. That could also be due to baking it with water on a stone.

1 1/2 Tablespoons Yeast

1 1/2 Tablespoons Salt

6 1/2 Cups Flour

3 Cups Lukewarm Water (~100 degrees)

Mix Yeast, Salt and Water. Stir in flour. Knead lightly (should be combined but not too much, not crumbly either) and then Cover (but let breathe) and let rise for 2 hours.

Cut into grapefruit sized pieces with a serrated knife and shape into a round loaf (can sprinkle with cornmeal) and Let rest for 40 min.

Heat stone for 20 minutes in oven at 450 degrees

Dust with flour and slash - put 1 cup water in broiling pan

Bake ~30 min. or until lightly brown on top.

Enjoy!!!

The Stepmonster Cooks

First off I'd like to start this post by giving myself a slap on the hand for what amounts to being a horrible step-mother...again. We had a beautiful weekend here and I had the audacity to suggest to my step-daughter that she set up her Barbie pool outside and enjoy the weather.

That's it. She screamed bloody murder that I had her put on shorts, a tank top and play outside while I gardened. I know, I know...the cruelty I subject her to. Since she hated that idea so much I made her sit on the porch instead with no toys. I'm sure she'll be scarred for life.

That pretty much sums up where our summer is starting out this year. How much fun does everyday of this sound? Yippee! Can't wait to see her reaction when she finds out I signed her up for swim lessons! Yeah! I'm becoming absolutely apathetic to what she wants anymore...since it basically sums up to sitting in her room.

I really wanted to make this post about my cooking...or rather lack thereof as of late. I love to cook, but with my super small, lacking of counter space typish kitchen, it really isn't enjoyable - at all. In fact it rates right up there with trying to do things with my step-daughter. I really can't describe how little counter space I have, but the following pictures probably will give you an idea of what I'm talking about.

I received a TON of great kitchen stuff for our wedding and for the Pampered Chef party I had in February - that has been either sitting around taking up space or stored away. Alanna sent me baking sheets recently, and since I've been craving cookies, and had a large bag of chocolate chips in the cupboard, well...time to try out the new materials! I decided to put my Baking stone, glassware mixing bowls, ergonomic baking sheets and Kitchenaide mixer to use - pretty much all at once - with new recipes no doubt. Lot's of big 'ifs' there.

In the menu:

Dark Chocolate/ Toffee Chip Cookies

Artisian Bread
Baked French Toast

I can only handle 3 at once with this kitchen...seriously. Wait until you see the balancing act...

This pretty much amounts to my total (at least largest) counter space:

Oh look - there's a little more next to the stove:

Taking advantage of some space on the table:

Letting the bread 'rest':

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! This bread was SO simple to make. I would add in honey and some spices next times, but for a quick, plain white bread it's awesome! There are usually some challenges to baking at 8000 feet altitude, but I didn't have to alter anything for this recipe.

Oh! More counter space in front of the microwave! Yeah! Notice the pan is hanging off the edge...

Let me tell you how way yummy this baked french toast turned out. It was even better as leftovers!

All in all everything turned out great and all the new 'materials' I tried out worked great! And...NOTHING ended up on the floor (except a little flour)!

Wind, wind and more wind...

Thank you for all the well wishes after my last post. I'm not letting myself think about it too much. It's just so sickening to me still how the chain of events played out.

The wind typically whips through the valley each spring but this year things have been a little more violent than usual. I thought everything that could blow away was put away, however nature WILL find things to destroy. When I arrived home Tuesday the chain link fence around the chicken pen was blown over. How does a chain link fence get blown over, especially when there is no resistance? When the wind is strong enough to actually move the fence into a position that there are no angles to the fencing and it falls over. Sorry there aren't any pics but I was attempting to right it in the wind.

We also have vents in various places in the ceiling of the house. They have access panels into a crawl space in the rafters. The wind blew so hard it must have somehow gotten through little nooks and crannies around the facet and literally lifted the access panels so a few were all scewed. Mind that was actually inside the house. How strong does wind have to be for that to happen?

But what takes the cake is this:

This is the skylight at the school. The wind didn't shatter the glass or blow something into it - it lifted the glass panels and blew them away. Where they landed nobody knows.

And then there's me at 24 1/2 weeks. I had my test for diabetes the morning of this picture. The results aren't in yet, but I think everything is fine. The only thing that has changed some for me is how I can have crazy energy all day until about 1 pm and then I literally want to die. Of course I still have 2 1/2 hours of classes left so that isn't an option, and then I hit my second wind at home and try to stay busy until bedtime. Getting up in the morning is getting increasingly difficult, especially since I bought myself the Leacho pillow I had posted about previously. I love it even though I wish the separation was at the bottom so when I rolled over I didn't have to lift my legs, but it is super comfortable and supportive.

Sad Day

I lost my horse Docs Driften Rebel today. After various attempts to geld him (castrate him), and dealing with nasty weather, the vet and I finally scheduled today to work (I'm his assistant as he is semi-retired and I have a vet assistand background). A month or so ago we found out he was a cryptorchid (meaning only one testicle had dropped), so we scheduled an invasive, but usually uneventful surgery.

After cutting him open the vet couldn't find the testicle. He searched forever and came up with a vas deferen - not connected to anything. We both were extremely confused but decided to sew him up, take the dropped testicle and wait to see his behavior in a month or so. If nothing else his testosterone level would drop, and if he had tendencies to act stupid as a 'proud cut' (still producing hormones) horse, then the vet said he would go in through the side to try and find the missing bit up around the kidneys from a different angle.

For those of you unaware, the kidney and testicle are one and the same in utero, so when one goes 'missing' it's usually hiding up there because it never fully developed or dropped into position.

He came out of anaesthetic great, was moving around, eating some, drinking and a half hour later was dead. Somehow his intestine slipped through a less than 1/4 inch space between sutures, started filling with fluid and the brought another loop of intestine with it. Our choices were to put them back and restitch, cut them out and sew the remaining intestine together (and with two lengths this was quite long), or put him down. In my experience, and almost everyone I know who's had a horse with intestine surgery, has lost the animal. Such a large, strong animal is so surprisingly fragile when dealing with these types of wounds. It's why a twisted gut in colic almost always results in death - even after surgery.

My vet was sick about it. He felt his 'digging' around, no matter how gentle he was helped this along. He offered to perform any surgery I asked free of charge, but I just know - I just know it would have resulted in the infection that most likely was already forming, or a rupture inside later, or death of a length of intestine and then a more painful death for my colt. I had the option to haul him up to CSU after securing the already dropped intestine, but that would have taken hours and we probably would have arrived with dying intestine and a horse in a lot of pain. And with that I made a decision to put him down. I've watched too many friends with colicy horses who have gone through the surgery, think they have a great recovery going only to watch them die in pain. I couldn't do this to him because of my selfishness of wanting to try and try and try some more.

I'm sick over it. And it gets worse.

Afterwards the vet performed an autopsy. He couldn't explain the vas deferens and felt horrible as he's a family friend I've known since I moved here. He needed to know why he couldn't find something he's found hundreds of times before.

There was no second testicle. The vas deferens wasn't ruptured like he thought. It literally wasn't connected to anything. The surgery was completely unnecessary. However there was no way anyone could have known this since the odds are so completely - out there. It's like a million in one. I can get a horse that I lose in that kind of odds, but never something good. Why is that? Why at the expense of a life?

We're disgusted. I'm so sad - and the vet feels so bad over this freak occurrence he won't charge me anything since I'm tutoring his son this summer and has given me pick of his private herd to replace the horse. It's hard for me to tell him I really don't want a replacement, I want the horse I bought as a baby and spent the last three years starting back, but his heart's in the right place and I feel so bad for him even though I cannot find anyway things could have gone differently. Any other vet would have done the same thing, and Rebel could have slipped the intestine anyplace else as well. It's not like he didn't have the best of care and was watched closely. And it happened so fast, under watchful eyes. I can't imagine if I'd taken him home already. It could have happened on the trip back, or worse, overnight and then things would have been really bad in the morning. The only good thing that came out of this was that Rebel probably never was in pain. He still was slightly drugged from the surgery and most likely never felt anything. That's the only thing that I can think of that makes me feel any better.

Maybe there's a bigger picture out there, but as Rebel was a replacement to the filly that was killed three years ago, I thought he was the bigger picture - and I just can't see where this is going anymore.

Weekend Getaway!

Nate and I have decided to try and make an overnight or weekend escape more often. Of course this is depending on who can watch his daughter, but this weekend grandma was out of town and since we have no problems with grandpa she was able to stay there.


This is where we stayed in Pueblo - the Abriendo Inn Bed and Breakfast. It's an old historic building that reminds me SOOO much of many of the homes up in Houghton, MI; such as the AGD house! We stayed up on the 3rd floor. It was beautiful, quiet and relaxing...and the breakfast was super yummy! Nate also had flowers and chocolate strawberries waiting for me!

We needed to get away not just for us, but because I'm rapidly finding I have nothing to wear. I had purchased a few lots of used and new cloths off eBay, and those provided me with a pair of jean, a few capris and shorts as well as some shirts. I also ordered a few shirts from Old Navy, but found their mediums were really huge on me. Despite getting a few cute and comfortable items, I quickly found I needed to try some clothes on.

I went shopping at our local Maurice's and picked out a few drapy shirts that would last me through the pregnancy and beyond, but I wanted more.

We hit Old Navy, Kohls, Target, VC, Ross and JC Penny's. I bought 7 maternity items because there were all off about 12 racks of clothes between all of them - or non at all in the case of Old Navy. Ross actually had the best selection and what there was elsewhere looked like a bedsheet - both print and size taken into consideration.

HOWEVER - not all was lost as shirts are running to longer styles, loose and drapy styles are in, and everything was on sale this weekend. Nate bought me anything I tried on he liked and I liked and we went home with a truck full of pants, shorts, shirts, underwear and even regular sized bathing suits in larger sizes. So - thank GOD for the newer cute and comfortable styles! Old Navy in particular had a lot of different things in shirts, dresses and elastic waisted skirts. Kohls had cute shirts, JC Penny had great bathing suit options and Target had great jeans. Ross had everything and I strongly recommend that pregnant women shop there since the prices are so cheap also!

Before we drove home Nate had to run by and pick up some work items and dropped me off at Barnes and Noble. I am book starved in the valley so this is always a great treat. He always leaves me with money and then sees how far I can make it stretch...

EXCEPT .... when I walked into the store this time I was greeted by this:

It was like the holy grail of reading items shining as a beacon from the doorway. I kid you not. I was drawn to picking it up and playing against my will. Everytime I walked away I had to go back...and that's where Nate found me a half hour later, about 20 steps in the front door with one in my hand.

But - before you all think he told me to put it down and walk away...slowly....there is a story surrounding eReaders in our house. I have a billion books and everyone makes fun of me for that fact, especially when I move. Nate decided I need an eReader to save his back. Now, nothing can truly replace the feel of having a real book open in your hands, the smell and crinkles of the pages, the dog ears and favorite marked passages - BUT - there is something nice about being able to carry around more than one book at a time in a format smaller than the average novel. He bought me a Sony reader for Christmas. I didn't like it. No 3G networking, wireless, etc....I wanted a Kindle. So we returned the Sony and never bought the Kindle.

Then I walked into Barnes and Noble and saw the NOOK. I got to play with it. Talk with a sales person. Ask questions. Play with it. Try out cases and touch them. Play with it. It has a touch screen, automatic WI-FI, 3G networking, internet, freebie books, $5 to $12 book options, an extra USB reader card if you fill it up with more than 1500 titles, games, music - the list goes on!

I love it and Nate let me bring one home with me. He even picked out a case. We may not have the 3G network available in our little valley (we only have Verizon), but it can hook up to any Wi-Fi as well as the computer for downloads.

I'm a comparison freak and thought about the Kindle for years. I really wanted one and taking a NOOK home with me was almost flying blind - however, I'm very impressed and have even dealt with the customer service and was SUPER happy with how I was treated.

Two thumbs up in my world. We're broke now - but the trip was sure worth it!

Terms That Evade Me

Anyone who knows me or has followed my blog knows how I keep myself busy...and also how when events occur in my life they tend to take on the resemblance of a whirlwind. Take my wedding as an example, or even my pregnancy. Despite the fact we were engaged at the beginning of July and married at the end of November many people thought we should have given more time. I'm glad we didn't because there was enough drama built up over such a short time in planning, but I'm still getting used to the married life. Now compound that with being pregnant and having the busiest and most stressful spring work-wise ever.

Husband

Wife

Step-mother

Mother

Pregnancy

Birth (ahhhhhhhh!)

Baby

In-laws (boo, hiss, boooooooooooo)

Anyway - those a a few of the terms that just don't quite roll off this independent gals tongue quite so easily yet. It really hasn't helped that I haven't had much time to actually sit down and contemplate life in a long, long time either.

I don't see this as irresponsible as I still make sure I'm as responsible as ever concerning anything that has come into my life, but I find myself sitting on the couch some evenings after a long day waking from what I can only describe as 'automatic mode', and looking around myself like I'm only just realizing this is all real.

It's a strange and unsettling feeling. I hate going through the motions of certain tasks feeling completely removed from them - such as being instant mom. Nate's daughter and I haven't had the easiest few months this spring as she continue to defy myself and her teachers now after visits with grandma. We tried everything from short visits to overnighters, asked grandma to be on the same page as us concerning behavior, following lines of questioning that doesn't involved how much she misses her and how she should visit more and more along the lines of what she does and school and home - but to no avail. Visits result in swearing, tattling, falsely accusing other children, pushing and acting violent towards other children. After a week of no visits these seem to dissipate - so guess what? No more visits. It also puts a horrid stress on the marriage and things are much calmer in the house when there is no acting up. I've put my foot down with behavior - either everyone behaves like adults or leave until you can. I can't handle the stress. It's working just fine so far.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a family member to trust to watch the kids? I'm afraid that's not written in the stars for this marriage. We're on our own. That combined with her increasing criticism of everything involving me (basically the fact Nate is still married to me - seriously - what a horrible concept eh?), the MIL is pretty much cut out of our lives. And my mother hasn't said a peep to me about my pregnancy all surrounding the facts we had a house before the wedding and I was upset for 30 seconds after getting left with the salon bill the morning of the wedding. I guess when you get married in my family you are supposed to walk away from the family you grew up with. Whatever.

I'm not really in a bad mood or anything, it's just that as things have slowed down I'm finally starting to look at the issues that have been going on that I've been maybe complaining about, but avoiding due to time constraints. Overall the situation concerning parent's is quite bleak - and bothersome. And quite honestly I'm at a point in my pregnancy that I'm not dealing with everyone else anymore. For almost 6 months it's been about trying to make things right whenever there is a spare second, addressing household issues, conferencing with pre-school teachers and psychologists, dealing with school budget woes and the classroom. It think time has come for me.

When I sat down the other night all I could think was, "Oh my GOD I'm PREGNANT!". I believe that was a bit more than a 'little' delay in my thinking.

23 weeks today. Leave the girls out of it. They make everything seem 3 times larger than normal. If they don't get under control later the word 'reduction' will become an intimate part of their vocabulary. Here that gals? After nursing you are going back to normal. This is your one and only warning. I can't afford the size you are. It's too weird and nobody carries it. Are you readers ready for the size? Scroll down....

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34F with no end in site (I'm normally a 32D)....right now I'm squeezing into a 36 D which is the best I could do in the valley. I'm heading to Pueblo this weekend to attempt to remedy the situation. I need support!!! I don't like porn star girls.