Thursday, April 26, 2007

It's That Time of Year Again!

Busy as usual. Especially with school coming to a close in the next month. I've never seen so many slackers in my life, nor worked so hard to turn the tables. I'm worn out, and truely wondering if I'm cut out for this job in this situation. All I can do is my best though, right?

Shane and I worked Prom last weekend. Not that I wanted to be at the school yet another day of the week (trust me, I usually have my fill by the end of the day Monday), but since they hired Shane for his sound equipment I felt obliged to attend as well. It was interesting, and somebody managed to snap a pic of us together:

Sorry not much interesting going on. Still calving because the owner of the ranch is a moron and kept the bull on all year. Hopefully I'll be done before June. Only 5 left to go anyway. Also been helping Shane try and get planted (barley). We had a HUGE snowstorm the other day...15 inches in less than three hours here at school and they had to let us leave before noon to get home. As it was a lot of people got stuck. Almost all melted here today, and sunny and warm as usual. Typical Colorado weather!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Misc. Rantings

Fire Department Fun

Last weekend we were asked to burn ditches for some ranchers. They usually donate a few hundred dollars to the department, buy us lunch and watch us have fun starting and putting out fires all day. Tumbleweeds fill up the ditches along the roads and when the mountain flood gates are opened to help irrigate the fields, the water can't flow well through these ditches. Most ranchers burn there own, but sometimes things can get out of hand, so we get called into help. It's a ton of fun!
It's also a great learning experience for those guys who don't have much

wildland experience and a great training for those of us who are newer to the engines and the way the pumps work. I got to be the 'hose' girl for the day and mark out wet lines (boundaries for the fire) and keep post from burning when we burned through a fence. I learned a lot about how to get the pumps running and how to refill the tanks from our tender. I figure it's always good to know a little bit about it all in case one day the people who DO know a lot aren't around. Plus I'm totally a hands on learner. Show me and I completely forget once my back is turned.

Easter Sunday
So the weather here literally 'sucked' on Easter. I was planning on spending the day at Shane's dad's house riding and roping with him after church, but nothing went as planned. It rained lots instead. Actually, I felt the day was not a total waste as we went to the nursing home and had lunch with his grandfather. But I was a bit bent out of shape about a few things; first and formost is that I figure Easter as a family day, and Shane's mother's family didn't invite him anywhere and his father had plans with his friend from out of town. I really felt bad for him because usually I get a bit down on the holidays since I live so far from my family, and here is someone who is literally surrounded by family and there is nobody to be with. He didn't seem to mind, but I think it bothered him some, hence why we went to the nursing home...nobody was there with his grandfather either.
I was really happy to be able to spend the day with him, and that he included me in what plans he had. It ment a lot to me, and got a bit on the defense in his case because I've gotten a bit bothered by his family a few times now. Not that all his family members are horrid or anything, it just seems that I see somebody who gives so much whenever he can, but because his parent's are divorced, I feel the families' sort of lost him in the shuffle when he was a kid and they forget he's part of them too. He's awfully close to his grandfather though, and I think it really hurt him that he was sort of 'forgotten' in the nursing home that day. I know thay went and visited him later, but was it so hard to sit down and have a meal with the poor old guy? Well, we did the best we could, and I suppsoe that's what counts.
Wedding Planner Crasher
See, now I just sort of feel guilty about my brother. I am jealous, but in a good way. I've gotten closer to him in the last few months than I have been for years since he told me he was planning on marrying his girlfriend. There's a lot of excitement, and he and I have 'big' plans for the wedding...but then I feel I really shouldn't try and have a say because this isn't my wedding at all, so I'm just becoming the passive listener and being excited for their plans period. Not that I'm a meddler, he and I can just get carried away with ideas over the phone, and it's really his fiance's family who is planning it all.

I guess I feel I want to be involved more. Living 1500 miles away from this all sort of keeps me out of 'the loop' and I'm updated as an afterthought. It's not anybodies fault really. I DO live awfully far away (by choice) and am out of 'the loop' per se. It's just I'd love to help out some with the shower stuff and bachelorette (how the hell do you spell that word?) party, and I just know I won't be able to afford to keep flying back and forth for it all. I want to talk with my mom and brother and suggest they at least plan the shower over holiday time or something when I'm home, but does that seem too demanding? I mean, I wouldn't want somebody telling me I had to make plans around their schedule just so they could be included. Afterall, it's not MY wedding.

Mom For A Week
I really wonder why I do these things to myself...I'm babysitting this week for three kids. Actually, it isn't bad at all. The oldest is 13 and pretty much takes care of herself, the youngest two are 7 and 10 and won't stop fighting. I guess that's the age! It's a ton of energy and I'm so impressed with people who have growing kids in their house! Though I would like children of my own, I definitely don't want to wake up with three having 'miraculously' appeared, half grown already. I'd rather raise my own, thanks.

I'm also shuffling them to and from school and making them work on the ranch because, 'life goes on'. The 10 year old was up half the night sick, but was fine this morning, so I guess it was something he ate. I'm keeping a close eye on him at school, but he's fine so far, so yeah me. I'm exhausted, but I guess it's good practice eh?

Thanks Lesley for the Fun!
Look! I'm and M & M! Complete with John Deere green hat!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

My Brother is Getting Married

Bear with me while I whine a bit...

Am I totally wrong for feeling weird (and maybe a bit jealous) over the fact that my brother is going to get married next year? He told me he was going to propose at Thanksgiving, maybe around spring-time, and he did just a few weeks ago.

I do really like the girl he's going to marry, and it seems she's pretty easy going about everything, so the wedding will probably go off with out a hitch...but I'm just feeling a bit strange over the whole thing. My baby brother is getting married, has found a person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and I still haven't. It's just made me a bit depressed, and I'm even more down and out about it because it makes me feel selfish to think this way. I've given myself a lot of time to chew on this it isn't like I'm just jumping on some feelings that popped up when this all started to happen.

I feel I have to work lots harder to reach my goals, have had some serious setbacks, force myself to overcome incredible difficulties...and my brother just waltzes around and has this incredible luck with his jobs and the women he meets. And now he has this amazing woman to spend the rest of his life with and I feel as if it just hasn't been fair. I'm a bit less than happy with work and don't feel appreciated at all, plus I seriously thought I was in some fairy-tale relationship once upon a time, and not only did it go sour, but just about ruined my life as well. It seems things must thunder, lighting and then be knocked down by hurricane force winds before they end for me instead of just having a rain and letting me know it isn't working. I definitely have a life it pours on...and trust me, I would catch the hint if the clouds started rolling in and I was blessed enough to actually have a warning.

Granted, I don't want Prince Charming, they don't exist in real life. And I do have a wonderful relationship NOW though, and maybe things will work out with us, but I occasionally feel like if I start to think about taking this a step farther, all I'll do is step on my brother's toes because he was engaged first. What a conundrum!

I AM happy for my brother. Really. I'm also really glad he doesn't have to deal with the hardships I do, 'cause they suck and I'm not sure I would wish them on anybody. But sometimes I wish big, life-altering, happy things would come to me a bit easier as well...occasionally. Without me having to go to Hell and back first.

Oh God. I'm going to have to wear a bridemaid dress.