Friday, October 31, 2008


What is going on with organized religion? OMG I have students who can't carve pumpkins this year because their church said it was witchcraft. WTF? But they can dress up and go trick-or-treating. WTF? I wish they would just let these kids be kids and have fun while they're still young.

Also - since when did Halloween give a license for these girls to look like hookers? I think they did their shopping out of Freddie's.

Being a kid seems to be getting harder and harder to do...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

OMG one of my students just told me they no longer hate Shakespeare! Yeah! I have done something right! My year is made....

October Interview

Q. What have you days been consisting of?
School has been busy. There is a new administration in and I feel we've all been jumping through some major hoops for them. We are considered one of the best school's in the area and rank high within the State as well. We don't need to be reformed, however everyone does agree there is always room for improvement. I just feel that every time I turn around I have one more problem to deal with and honestly? I'm feeling overwhelmed. When teacher's who have been here 20+ years are telling me they feel they same way I don't feel so bad, but really, it's playing on my self-esteem, like if I feel behind, I must be. The good news is I really am keeping on top of everything, just feel like I must be superwoman to do so and it's very tiring.

Other than that the weather, despite being cold at night, has been decent during the day so I've been trying to enjoy the nice weather before it turns to winter.

Q. What major problems have you been faced with?
I'd say the school issue I already mentioned is right up there, but things are rough on the homefront. I can't speculate. I'm not sure where I stand with anything, even myself right now.

Q. If you could change anything right now, what would it be?
My proximity to friends and family. I can't move back to MI. It is not something I can even consider financially. I cannot own my own home, I cannot get the mortgage for it. I love it here, it's just lonely. I just things would be easier for me if I had a little support. I go to work, I go home, I talk to nobody except my students and a few colleagues all day. Nobody knows me here. Really know who I am. Sometimes I don't think anyone does.

Q. If you had one wish what would it be?
That I was married and had a family started. It's not something that I think should be rushed into, hence why I didn't 'jump' with some past relationships...that would have been disastrous. But I'm not avoiding it. Sometimes I just don't think I'm lovable. Everyone's best friend, but not marriageable material.

Q. What do you think the next 5 years will bring you?
I don't even know anymore. I feel like I'm standing still with everything but work. I know what I want, but when I want it doesn't work. So I just go with the flow and do the best I can. Isn't that all we can do in life? I guess somethings come easier to others. I'm not saying I'm not proactive with making things happen; I do the best I can. It's not like I'm just sitting here some bump on the log or anything.

Q. Looking forward to anything?
Of course. This isn't a pity party, poor me, look at how lonely I am... I'm not buried under the blankets day after day; I'm incredibly active - it just isn't bringing anything new or any change into my life. I'm putting the final touches on our trip to London and Paris in 3 weeks. It's a great group and my buddy Kelly is planning on meeting me in Paris on Thanksgiving until we leave. Also my Vegas trip is two weeks after that and I'm super excited.

There are great things in my life. I just am not so sure about a lot of things anymore. That and I feel like I'm living that same as I did 10 years ago. I haven't moved forward and it hasn't been for lack of trying. Those of you who really know - there have been major steps forward in my life, like having a home and family, but unforeseen circumstances have pulled me back more than once. I just wonder how many times I have to repeat this cycle. It's not an easy thing to live through once, much less multiple times. I guess I just ask 'why?' a lot, and I can't find an answer.

I'm sorry I can't just straight up say exactly what has been happening, and only express how I feel about things, but I don't know how to explain things. I also just don't want to drag people involved into it over the internet.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Paulding Light

So with Halloween coming up all the haunted, unexplained stories come out of the woodworks, but this was the first time I've seen the Paulding Light on anything. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, the Paulding Light is in Paulding, MI - heading out of the UP into Wisconsin. I had the chance to see this once while coming back from a Wolf Study in Ely, Minn. with some classmates. We decided to stop and see it. The story goes that a railroad man was killed along the tracks and he haunts the old line with a lanturn and that's what the light is.

Having seen it, at first I thought it looked like far away headlights and taillights, except no road is running along the old rail-road grade, just a sevice line for the electric company. Not too mention it's blocked off by the Forest Service to Public Access. The television series, Unsolved Mysteries, took a look at it back in the 90's but couldn't get it figured out either. The scientific belief is that there is a natural phenomenon causing headlights and taillights to be seen from a strange angle - a reflection, curvature of the earth, optical illusion, etc...but they couldn't get it figured out either how it was happening, plus they couldn't get a timing on vehicles on any of the roads around there to correspond to the light sightings.

So while I was there, being adventurous with my friends (and no, it may have been college, but we were not indulging in anything), we decided to hang out and see this thing. I swear to God it light everything up, enough I could see the features of the person next to me in the pitch black and cast shadows on the trees. Still not being convinced, we decided to walk towards it. We hiked a good ways in the dark along the service road and got up on a high spot. And never saw it out there...but when we got back to other people who had come out to witness the phenomenon, they said it had never let up. It was very strange, and it definitely made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Anyway - check out the uTube video:

It's not creepy, just strange. But if you want creepy look up stuff on the SkinWalker Ranch in Utah. That is creepy and totally freaks me out. I won't even post info about it - it bothers me that much.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Online Shopaholic

I think etsy is dangerous. Anyone else feel the same way? I could easily spend an entire paycheck on there in a very short period of time. On the other hand, it is a great place to do some holiday shopping since I am craft starved in this valley. If only I didn't find so many things I wanted as well...

Friday, October 17, 2008

Who Cares?

Ok- Halloween is coming. I don't live where kids can come to the door, I have no friends to party with, I don't live in Michigan so I can go to my brother's kick-ass annual party, but I still love Halloween and I can't wait until maybe one day I can celebrate it as it was meant to be celebrated. So in anticipation please bear with my ghosts and bats. They are keeping me company...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Really Lonely

Guys - I'm really lonely out here. I was real close to getting on plane today and leaving it all behind. I know I've got it alright and a job and MI doesn't exactly have the best economy right now, but I think I could walk away from it all 'cause anything would be better than not having anyone to talk to. Yes, I know I can always pick up the phone, but it's the creature comforts I'm lacking enough in to believe it's making me crazy. I think I'm becoming an introvert for fear of getting too close to anyone. My dogs and horses are the most contact I have with anything alive.

Yes, I stay fairly busy and am involved, but I haven't met real great people out here to be friends with. It seems there are a lot of backstabbers and cheats, and well, let's just say that even though Shane's around daily...I'm not sure I've ever truly had his attention or ever will. It's been sort of a self-esteem destructor; I believe is the best way to describe it all...I'll be fair though and say that my attitude probably hadn't helped things very much in the past.

I can't walk away from my responsibilities though, but the next 7 months may see me planning on how to out from many of them, as heartbreaking as it may all end up being for me. I guess I just ask a lot of 'why's' lately. Like how I never pictured myself still single and alone, and why I've had the hardships I've had in the past that have lead me here, and why can't I get ahead with certain things in life, and why, why, why....I know that the things I've gone through have shaped who I am, but enough already because what I'm becoming is bitter. And quite honestly, I have a really hard time believing anything anyone says to me anymore or trusting anyone. I'm not confident like I used to be and I question a lot of what I do on the basis of what if it's me causing things to be the way they are? I don't feel like me anymore...

Thursday, October 09, 2008

What I've Been Up To...

October is always a crazy month. 1st Quarter in school ends, Parent/Teacher conferences, grade books have to be up to date for report cards....ALL the cattle are coming down from the mountains and I start getting my winter jobs.

Other than school I've been spending a lot of time on the weekends moving cattle and riding horses. Yesterday I got a job 'legging-up' a race horse for the winter season. I'm very excited about this even though I'm going to have to put in some long hours after work each day. Legging-up is a term we use to build up the muscles in a horses legs, and overall tone and condition the horse. Because this area has a LOT of sand I ride the horses through our empty canals when the water has emptied out. Remember how tiring walking through sand can be?

This weekend we brought in cattle in Pagosa Spring. This has to be one of the most beautiful areas in the state.Where we brought cattle in...yes, it has snowed already!

Behind the ranch house in the valley

Our Neighbors

Wrigley is growing! He's best friend with Al, Izzy's one surviving kitten from her c-section this spring. He's a spoiled brat and get's away with everything and goes everywhere with me!

Friday, October 03, 2008

Wrigley's Famous!

Well not so much, but I did send in a picture of him pretending to look happy in his new carrier for a contest!

He's just so darn cute!

If anybody is looking for a carrier like this for a smallish dog...I somehow ended up with two of them and the pet store I purchased it from is SWEARING they did not ship me two. I have been on the phone with them multiple times. I refused to pay shipping costs back, so now I have two. I'm selling one on eBay for A LOT LESS than what it costs from the original company ($115) and A LOT LESS than what I purchased my original for through a pet store:

Pet Fly's Lucky Horseshoe Airline Approved Carrier

They only come in three sizes: tiny, small and super. Mine's a small. I'll relist it if it doesn't sell the first time. What am I going to do with two of them? NO! I'm not getting another dog.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

This Week's Addition of Why I Love Living in the San Luis Valley


Once the grains have been harvested and the fields have been baled and plowed, the sheepherders bring their flocks down from the mountains to graze. The sheep both clean up a lot of the grasses that have grown back up from fallen grains and fertilize the ground. They spend a few weeks here moving from farm to farm until it's time to bring them back in for fattening and shearing. Sometimes I think I would love to do this one summer and fall. It seems to be so peaceful spending the day with the horses and dogs...
Driving into work each morning I see the herders with their horses and dogs watching the flocks and keeping them from moving into the roads.