Wednesday, October 29, 2008

October Interview

Q. What have you days been consisting of?
School has been busy. There is a new administration in and I feel we've all been jumping through some major hoops for them. We are considered one of the best school's in the area and rank high within the State as well. We don't need to be reformed, however everyone does agree there is always room for improvement. I just feel that every time I turn around I have one more problem to deal with and honestly? I'm feeling overwhelmed. When teacher's who have been here 20+ years are telling me they feel they same way I don't feel so bad, but really, it's playing on my self-esteem, like if I feel behind, I must be. The good news is I really am keeping on top of everything, just feel like I must be superwoman to do so and it's very tiring.

Other than that the weather, despite being cold at night, has been decent during the day so I've been trying to enjoy the nice weather before it turns to winter.

Q. What major problems have you been faced with?
I'd say the school issue I already mentioned is right up there, but things are rough on the homefront. I can't speculate. I'm not sure where I stand with anything, even myself right now.

Q. If you could change anything right now, what would it be?
My proximity to friends and family. I can't move back to MI. It is not something I can even consider financially. I cannot own my own home, I cannot get the mortgage for it. I love it here, it's just lonely. I just things would be easier for me if I had a little support. I go to work, I go home, I talk to nobody except my students and a few colleagues all day. Nobody knows me here. Really know who I am. Sometimes I don't think anyone does.

Q. If you had one wish what would it be?
That I was married and had a family started. It's not something that I think should be rushed into, hence why I didn't 'jump' with some past relationships...that would have been disastrous. But I'm not avoiding it. Sometimes I just don't think I'm lovable. Everyone's best friend, but not marriageable material.

Q. What do you think the next 5 years will bring you?
I don't even know anymore. I feel like I'm standing still with everything but work. I know what I want, but when I want it doesn't work. So I just go with the flow and do the best I can. Isn't that all we can do in life? I guess somethings come easier to others. I'm not saying I'm not proactive with making things happen; I do the best I can. It's not like I'm just sitting here some bump on the log or anything.

Q. Looking forward to anything?
Of course. This isn't a pity party, poor me, look at how lonely I am... I'm not buried under the blankets day after day; I'm incredibly active - it just isn't bringing anything new or any change into my life. I'm putting the final touches on our trip to London and Paris in 3 weeks. It's a great group and my buddy Kelly is planning on meeting me in Paris on Thanksgiving until we leave. Also my Vegas trip is two weeks after that and I'm super excited.

There are great things in my life. I just am not so sure about a lot of things anymore. That and I feel like I'm living that same as I did 10 years ago. I haven't moved forward and it hasn't been for lack of trying. Those of you who really know - there have been major steps forward in my life, like having a home and family, but unforeseen circumstances have pulled me back more than once. I just wonder how many times I have to repeat this cycle. It's not an easy thing to live through once, much less multiple times. I guess I just ask 'why?' a lot, and I can't find an answer.

I'm sorry I can't just straight up say exactly what has been happening, and only express how I feel about things, but I don't know how to explain things. I also just don't want to drag people involved into it over the internet.

3 comments:

Andrea said...

Just think Wranglers and NFR!!

AJ said...

I'm sorry things aren't great. Hopefully they turn around soon. Love and prayers your way.

Cheryl said...

When our daughter broke up with one of her boyfriends, she didn't date for 4 years! Now she's 30, in a stable relationship with a GREAT guy and we are happy for her. Hang in there. Just take things one day at a time. I hear 'ya about school. My school is in one of the worst-performing districts in the state and we are now DAIT. THAT means constant walkthroughs, constant training, and constant....BS!!! I just look forward to the weekends.