Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Second Dose

I still feel like I've got a millions things circulating in my brain that I'm not sure what to do about. Being indecisive and frustrated could be due to:

1) My 'witching' hour is between 3 and 3:30 am EVERY MORNING! Then I can't get back to sleep, and by the time I do actually get drowsy and drift off - the alarm goes off. Then I feel like I'm a dream state for the rest of the morning. That makes it hard to cope with things because I just don't due to my mental capacity being pretty much null and void. I then hit my second wind about 7pm and coincidentally can't fall asleep until 11pm or so. That isn't translating into much sleep.

2) Nate's ex-wife may be the stupidest person I've ever spoken with. A week after our wedding she filed a court order against him - under the pretext he was in violation of the divorce decree. Basically I think it was because she had called us around 40+ times during the time we were in MI (16 times the morning of the wedding alone) and we never took any of her calls - and because she had the number blocked. However, not only is he not in violation of anything - she actually is. Of course she decided she wanted to drop the whole thing after perhaps figuring this out, but Nate figured she brought this on herself and was going through with it. She called into court in lieu of showing up and now has been ordered to be present for the new date. It also was explained to her all the things she would be responsible for if she was wrong with her 'math' - and charges against Nate. Namely court costs, lawyer costs and money she owes - besides the travel expenses to get here she will incure. However, she also is SOOOO insistent now on being the 'good mom', she has been court ordered to call my step-daughter every night (so maybe she should start paying child support too hmmmm?). This is a way bad move on behalf of the judge because she is totally manipulative and abusive, asking questions like, 'what is Danielle doing with you?" - insisting that I'm not called 'mom' - asking her 3 and 4 times in a row if she loves her real mom and baby goes on. Even our child psychologist is in disagreement over this and feels it will set us back even more with her. But what to do but weather the storm?

3) I haven't spoken with my mother since the wedding, nor my father since right before Christmas. There is some history there. Namely Nate and I moved our stuff into a house in September when our leases on our separate places were up. Nate lived over an hour from where we had his daughter enrolled, and he was planning on being gone most of September and October for work. Since there has been some issues with his daughter we felt that uprooting her part way through a school year was something we didn't want to do, and establishing a schedule for her, (something she'd never had) was important. It was a tough decision to come to, especially since I would be taking on the responsibility of main caretaker during this time and that was new to me, but one we felt was best for her. I had explained this to my father and thought everything was understood. In a nutshell - from a moral stand point the b*tchfest my inlaws and parent's had on the night of our wedding made clear to my parent's we were, 'living in sin' and were, 'shacked-up'.

I would like to note that in relation to many of my cousins and other family members I think I've been a model daughter. Someone they could be proud of. I never got into things I shouldn't have in High School and was very responsible and goal oriented. In college my studies always came first and made sure that I carried a 3.5 or higher GPA at all times to keep my scholarships. I also always had a job and asked for very little money to help me through those years. After college I immediately got a job, and whereas my parent's were always very helpful, I never had to depend on them financially. I didn't settle into a meaningless marriage (and I had more than one opportunity), and I also didn't go have any children that I would have passed off to them to raise as a single mother - I instead deciding to focus on my career and hobbies and let those things come at the right time for me. At the very least you would think that my parent's would be on 'my side' (if there even are sides to be had...).

Could I please establish here that I can appreciate my parent's worries and concerns. I can respect if they were confused or disappointed in any way. I also am totally willing to see their side of the issue. BUT...

Can I also establish that I am a 31 year old women who is self-sufficient and responsible as well? That I feel they raised a great person who puts others first and am very respectable...perhaps they think of me as a failure? Their failure? Why in the world did they not talk to me about their concerns, worries, opinions, etc? Why was this all behind my back, without getting a full story, or even be willing to ask or listen to me? My father was very open in talking with me AFTER it all, but my mom hasn't said a peep. He suggested I write her a letter - I did - and received no response. I don't know what to do at this point because what I need is positive things - and I'm scared I won't get them.

And right now what I really need is my mom.


Laura said...

Sorry to hear about all the crap Danielle!! That's more than enough to keep you up at night. Keep your chin up!!!

AJ said...

Your parents will come around. I promise. I know it sucks in the mean time. But parents need time to 'grow up' every once in a while too:) Hang in there!

And get some sleep! The only thing you have control over in any of these situations is what you do. Other people's thoughts, feelings, and actions are out of your hands. Don't let them worry you to the point of no rest! I know that's easier said than done, but keep telling yourself that so you don't wear yourself out!

Kara said...

I am so sorry to hear about everything you have to deal with. Parents should be supportive and sending lots of prayers your way that everything works out. Hugs!!

Carroll Farm said...

I so feel your pain, my husband's ex is a dummy too. :)

The Wades said...

You poor girl. I came back here hoping things were smooth sailing for you now that you are married to your cutie pie. Darn the ex and the parents. Man. I know it doesn't mean a darn thing to you, but I'M very proud of you!!! :) You sound like you've had to make a lot of really tough decisions in the last few months--it appears to me you guys are handling things with a ton of maturity. AND YOU'RE 31! Your parents have to come around.

As far as the waking up during the night, I have spent a lot of time at the sleep clinic getting my son evaluated. (A story for another time--too long.) One of the sleep specialists told me his expertise is insomnia. I asked him what his number one tip was for people dealing with this. He said they need to GET RID of their alarm clocks. Put yours in the bathroom for the time being. If you can't wake up and obsess about all the sleep you're losing, making you'll fall back asleep quicker. He said that tip alone helps people the very most.

Sorry you're having this yuck to contend with during your newlywed days. Hugs, friend.