Thursday, April 30, 2009

Your Thoughts...

....on dating younger men (5ish years)?

...on dating guys who already have a child?

...on divorcees?


randi said...

All of the above are OK as long as:
a. You're happy.
b. He's happy.
c. You get along with his child.
d. You're happy.

And yes, I know I put that last one in there twice. :)

You need to do whatever is best for YOU. The rest will work itself out. I think after you turn 21 age is really just a number. There isn't anything you can't do together.

JJ said...

Brad is 2 out of 3 – he’s 5 years younger than me and divorced!
I agree with Randi, once you are 21 age is not too much of an issue - it is much more important that the two of you are on the same page with what you want out of life. If one of you is thinking a few more years of casual dating but the other is thinking you want to be settling down and starting a family soon then that is a much bigger problem.
I was actually caught off guard how much Brad being divorced got to me at first, but if you like the guy him being divorced shouldn't be a deal breaker.
Him having a child is a much bigger deal, especially if you see this being long term. This means he is always going to have a connection with his ex, and his child is probably always going to be the most important person in his life, but if you like him then I’m sure you guys can figure it out – people do it all the time.
If he makes you happy then none of these are reasons not to be with him :)

AJ said...

Randi and Jenni said everything I was going to!

Carroll Farm said...

My hubby is 2 years younger, divorced and has a child. I have been her mom since she was 3 - she is now 9. The hardest part will be sharing child with biological parent and not agreeing with what they do. Her mom is a little nutty and we really don't agree on how each other is raising their kids. Does that make sense? But other than that, I agree with Randi and Jenni.

BrownEyed Cowgirls said...

1)Been There

2)Done That

3)Done That Too!

I just don't think there are any stigmas on any of those things anymore. It has to be about what you are comfortable with.

But dang...a younger guy? Go you Cougar Go!!;)

Melissa said...

I dated a guy with a child when I was in college. I'm not going to lie - it was tough. You are always the other person. You want the child to like you, but not too much becuase then the mom will hate you, etc. Like I said it's complicated.

alanna rose said...

I have no experience with this, but I'm 100% with Randi.

Be happy!

Diana said...

Don't bash me for this, but my gut feeling is:


Andrea said...

Well, there are a lot of different opinions. I think guys mature later in life. But there are a few out there that are responsible and wonderful younger than others. So, as long as the mid twenty year old guy is responsible and doesn't act like a 25 year old, then I am fine with that.

I tricked my husband and didn't tell him I had a kid. Then when I told him he already liked me, so, he couldn't get rid of me. But, there are always issues that come up with being with someone who already has a kid. Right now my husband has paid about 12,000 dollars on lawyer bills that aren't even for his kid. He doesn't complain, but it's expensive. I think as long as the child and you get along, it doesn't matter. Because really there aren't many guys out there that don't have kids.

And the divorce could be tricky. Why did they get divorced? Did he cheat? If so, run and run fast, in the opposite direction!!! I would find out why and go from there. Being divorced isn't always a bad thing, unless it's for a bad reason. Never home, always out at bars, won't keep a job, abused wife, cheated, wasn't a good communicator.......the list can go on and on.

But if he just got married young and it didn't work, then.......he might have grown up.

They are all tough. But if you are happy and he makes you happy, then don't worry about anything else.

The Wades said...

My husband is 4 1/2 years younger than I am. I think he is the absolute best hubby in the entire world. We never notice the age difference. :)

I cannot speak to the other questions. He was kid-free and never married when I snagged him.

Good luck and follow you gut (and heart!)

rae rae said...

We'll I'd be fucked if those were all bad things.

Age doesn't matter.
With older age comes older relationships, and more baggage. This could include children and divorce(s). That's life. If you're happy, and he's happy, and you are willing to forgo the fairy tale ending for a chance at something real, then that's the only answer you need.