NEW TRUCK!

Bought a new truck! F-250 V10...will post pics if I ever get a chance to sit down and download from the camera...staying busy, but it's paying for the truck! Yeah!!! Updates to come!

Sooooooo Busy!

The last two weeks have been crazy. Since the Thursday before last I have been in Crested Butte, Cheyenne picking up Kelly's horses and hay, fixing the lights on my trailer, the lights on my truck twice, my u-joints, my thermostat in the truck, gave it a tune-up, worked volleyball games, parent-teacher conferences, fire training (twice!), a vehicle accident I had to respond to, a guy shooting himself in his truck which I had to respond to, a horse who cut her heel up real bad I'm doctoring and moving cattle this week sometime...not to mention the 30 extra hours I've put in with the forest service. I'm sure there's more and I'm just forgetting...oh yeah, I'm in Alamosa for dance and ran into somebody in the Walmart parking lot I really didn't want to run into, and I think may have had somebody else in his truck with him and now I've got the shakes from it. When does somebody get to come and sweep me off my feet and take care of me for the rest of my life?....oh yeah, that doesn't happen in real life. I have to do it all myself because I'm the dumbass who moved to this God-forsaken place and left behind everyone who ment something to me thinking I'd actually meet people here too. Pity party anyone? This really put me in a bad mood. Funny how a person can do that too you. Does that mean I still have feelings for him? I'm so stupid...really.

I'll post pictures soon of Kelly's fuzzy babies I'm watching while he's in Afghanistan and some of the fire training I've been doing...I look like that kid from 'The Christmas Story' in my bunker gear...you know..."wait for me...!"And even better in a SCBA...that's way cool though, I sound like Darth Vader and finally one of the guys turned my mic off 'cause he was tired of hearing me and another guy saying, "Luke, I am your father...haaaaw, buuuurrr..." C'mon, I'm allowed to let the insanity out every now and then...

Evil Beaver!

So I'm a big advocate for not believing everything has that silver lining per past experiences, even though I still would like to believe in happy endings. I often find myself reminding yours truly that,"this isn't the movies!" or some story I've read, and therefore things probably won't work out the way I'd like them to, especially concerning the opposite sex.

Now I got to thinking about this because even though this may not hold true in my world, I do know quite a few people who've had those 'movie' worthy, romantic moments. Not wanting to be completely outdone, I've decided that maybe everything does have a silver lining, just not how I expect it, or concerning the 'moments' I'd like them to...

Those of you who know me have laughed over the strange happenings that seem to add up. In fact, some of you have even suggested I write them down in order to write a book one day because NOBODY has that many weird things happen to them. I'm talking about the breaking my leg while I'm walking, changing my tire in heels on a construction site (thanks guys!), having my truck stolen out of my driveway by a drunk who didn't want to walk around the block home....those types of weird things. And I'm going to give you all an example of the latest...

I'm driving down a remote mountain road yesterday in my work truck, turn a corner and am stopped by a big, old Aspen tying across the road. Seeing as I'm next to a Beaver dam, I'm blaming these little buggers for this whole ordeal. I pull closer, and get out of the truck to see if this thing is at all movable since there is nowhere to turn around (and backing up, uphill on a narrow mountain road is scary). I decide I'll at least try, grab hold of the top of the tree (the lighter end) and start pulling...it's not really going anywhere and I decide to see if there is any possible way I could back up a bit and find somewhere to turn around. I'm walking back towards the truck and hear a 'crack', then a 'creak', then a tree falling! I'm right next a big old spruce and can't really see where this tree is going, but know it's in front of me somewhere, so I start running back to the downed tree, get behind it, deem it safe enough to look, and just in time to see another huge ass Aspen fall about 20 feet BEHIND my truck. Then I take a closer look around and realize about half the Aspen above the road are chewed in half from Beaver, and the wind is starting to blow up some. I checked on my safety and the truck and luckily the big spruce was sort of a protecting wall, but now I'm completely trapped!

My biggest concern at the moment now is how to explain this to the office over the radio..."Help! I'm trapped by Beavers?"...that's sounds so professional. So I decide I'm not admitting failure yet, and with some heaving and whatnot, I get the tree in front of the truck budged some, push it with the bumper of the truck some more, get a tire up on it and then I was over. So now it's just a fun story. Now if there had been some cute guy working in the office to rescue me, maybe it would have been even more fun... But there wasn't. *sigh* oh well.

New Web Site

So I'm building a web site to the ranch I run...check out the link to the right on this page or just click here!

It is still under construction...so patience!

FAILURE!

I am, as usual, depressed about a few things. Having tried to take situations into my own hands I think I have caused even worse problems for my mental state...which is completely out of whack. To top everything off, I failed my science exam a few weeks back. I really shouldn't be surprised. Afterall, I screwed up my schedule that day for studying, I recieved my science degree almost 7 years ago, recieved my teaching degree almost 4 years ago and have only taught one science class since, 3 years ago. SO really, the odds were stacked against me. I do get to take it over in November, and I didn't fail by that much...but I still feel like crying about it. On the other hand, I did pass the English portion with flying colors...but I'd be a moron if I hadn't sicne I've been teaching it for almost 3 years.

Since I am down and out, being crazy busy is how I deal with things, so after spending all day burning down the forest Friday,I finally decided to let myself be talked into joining the fire department here in town. A guy I work with has been bugging me all summer and I finally filled out the application last month, but still hadn't attended a meeting. Well, I was jumped on my way into town and begged to help set up for the fall festival on Saturday which is hosted by the fire department. I said I'd give a hand, and the next thing you know, I was talked into volunteering at the pumpkin painting table and fire department table ALL DAY Saturday as well. I'm blaming it on exhaustion and stress...I'm not thinking right, but at least it kept me from feeling sorry for myself at home. Oh well. What's one more thing right?

Sunday I ended up moving cattle off Poncha Pass all day. Again, suckered into at at 7:30 in the morning when people needed another hand. Don't get me wrong, I love doing that kind of stuff...but when do people get to help me with my ranch? Anyway, I got some great pics...

Git 'er Done!

Instead of heading to Chaco this weekend I stuck around because we were doing a prescribed burn on the forest and I wanted in on it! It was great! Sometimes its just fun to start fire rather than put it out!

This was approximately a 500 acre fire up on Park Creek, West of where I live up in the mountains. It took all week and was used to help clear up some old logging slash and open up the understory of the pine/spruce stand. These practices not only help with future fire hazard, but are extremely healthy to the forest ecosystem. It was a beautiful week and the weather cooperated very nicely...meaning no major problems and run-away fire! I really enjoy doing prescribed burn because you can really learn a lot from watching fire in a controlled setting. Fire behavior is pretty much it's own living thing, and being able to watch it from start to finish in a variety of different fuel types can really teach a person how it can react in different situations.

Check out the slide show of our morning burn of about 100 acres!

HS Shooting

Since when has going to school become more dangerous than, say, walking down the sidewalk in Denver? It seems that with in the last decade, High Schools around the nation have become targets for murderers. And the recent shooting in the little mountain town of Bailey, Colorado illustrates this point.

Yesterday afternoon, a man walked into a classroom with a gun, told the children he had a bomb in his jacket, lined them up at the blackboard, and then proceeded down the line choosing who would stay and who could go. Sick.

Not having lived in Colorado during the Columbine disaster (another small town not too far from the most recent shooting), I watched in horror as the scenes unfolded on CNN, but felt relief that I lived half-way across the country. Though schools everywhere prepared themselves for such a disaster and cautioned teachers about unusual situations and how they should react, I don’t think anybody ever thought that school shooting would become a norm in this nation. Especially not in small, remote towns such as Bailey.

But now I live in Colorado. I live about 2 ½ hours due South from Bailey…on the same highway no doubt. I’ve driven by the school countless times also on my way North to visit friends, Rodeo, go shopping… I work in a small mountain school also. And this has really unnerved me. What’s stopping somebody from walking into my school and doing the exact same thing? Why do I feel like the school should be paying to send teachers to special training? Training that concentrates on how to react if someone should walk into your classroom with a gun?

I am a teacher for God’s sake. I am here to teach! I also feel it is my duty to keep my students from having to encounter a dangerous situation, and though I don’t know what I would do if some stranger walked in here with a gun, I know I’d do my best to keep my students safe. This is scary.

This is not something I was prepped for when studying to become a teacher. This is not something that was ever mentioned when I accepted the job. This is not something, as a teacher, I should even be stressing about. But I am. I am because somehow our society has fallen so low that we are no longer even safe in our institutions of learning. We have fallen so low that the most innocent in this world have become major targets.

Wanted!

SWF from Colorado needs date (with a man!) for November 24th, 2006. Must be available for the whole evening (and perhaps into the early morning hours) for my 10 year reunion in downtown, stuck- up, Birmingham, Michigan. Good dinner and drinks will be provided, but lushes need not apply. If rich, yuppy-type people bother you, please move on as there will be many present.

Date must be presentable and attractive since I am trying to make a good impression on people I haven't seen in 10 years, and want to look like I can land a decent date for at least one night out of my life. I promise to be in my best attire...and am going somewhat crazy trying to find what that might be. I promise it is not blue jeans, boots and a cowboy hat. But, hey, I still have almost two months...

Must be willing to put up with my somewhat neurotic behavior concerning this whole event. It's not something I really want to attend, but feel I HAVE to attend. Get it? Just apologizing in advance...

Still Here...

Sorry I haven't gotten around to getting any pics on this thing. Between school's stupid computers and not getting anything downloaded off my camera I've gotten behind. There were also a few disasters in the making last week and a girl I knew who taught at a nearby school was killed in a car accident, so I've been a bit overwhelmed. That's another one I haven't really taken the time to think over. She was from Florida so we didn't even have a funeral to go to since her family brought her home. A woman I work with was getting her Master's with her at Adams State in Alamosa and she's taken it really hard.

It's spirit week here at school since the football team is starting playoffs Friday, so nobody is really taking anything seriously and it's been havoc! It's so hard to get anything done when rules are out the window and boys are cross-dressing (don't ask). I've gotten a few laughs, but can't wait until things are back to normal next week. I hated rules in HS, but REALLY understand why we have them. It definitely helps with the teacher's sanity level through the week!

Hopefully I'll have my own computer hooked up within the next month or so, and then can keep this thing more up to date and get some pics posted from the fires I was on and daily life out here.

I'm supposed to be taking a trip to Chaco Canyon this weekend for a photography session. A friend of mine was supposed to go 'cause I really don't want to camp out and hike by myself, but I'm beginning to wonder if this will happen. Why can't I meet anyone who wants to do anything? Ever? I've done it all by myself already. I'm ready for a little company...

Argh!

Yes, it is talk like a Pirate Day! Seriously...look at Heather's blog for more information!

Anyway - the English test went off without a hitch the other day. I'm so relieved to be finished and I hope I don't have to do this again...ever!

As commented on...I need some serious Alph Gam drinking buddies to level my head. Why didn't I think of that?

Life continues on albeit fighting a cold and having no love life. So what's new?

Fun story from this weekend concerning raccoons to share...look for future updates in a day or two.

Test Anxiety

So I wasn't exactly off to a great start this morning...

Despite getting a good night's sleep and feeling content about my studying situation, I woke up really groggy and couldn't have cared less about these exams. Now, on one hand, this could be a good thing...not stressing, totally (maybe overly!) relaxed...but then as I was getting into my truck I must have dropped my lucky pencil (don't ask, but it has to do with sharpening about a million pencils yesterday in preparation and leaving them in various places all over the valley)...because when I shut my door I heard a sickening 'crunch'. Yup...broken into three pieces...oh well. So I drove on down to Alamosa and after these morons finally got us all ready to start the tests (they weren't prepared and were running about 1/2 hour behind...add to the anxiety) I realize I'm taking my Science exam first, NOT my English exam that I had studied for the night before - thinking I had this afternoon to study for the science. Whoops. So anyway, now it's done and I'm killing time in the library waiting to head off to my English exam at 1:00. Don't ask how it went...it's just done.

What I can't figure out is where the hell my head is. I only looked over the information about a million times in preparation. It wasn't just getting the exams screwed up, I also could have gotten a ton more study material if I'd seen that Section One of the packet needed to be downloaded from another page...HELLO! Where have I been? I've only been preparing for this thing for a month and I just noticed that? I also left a book I needed sitting on a desk where I put it yesterday in my classroom, with my coat, and my purse...so I wouldn't FORGET it. What is wrong with me?

To top things off I really am wishing that SOMEBODY was down here in Alamosa to take my mind off this all...but it seems I don't fall into the category of 'priorities' when in comes to time anymore like I used to be. Oh well. At least I was for a short while. Patience D, patience...

Ciao for now...I'm going to go find a quiet corner and read a book.

Life Update

Crazy week! We've been having some sporadic weather here so I've been working my tail-end off trying to help get the hay up before the rain gets to it. We had success last night. It started and stopped spitting twice, but never did rain before everything got put up.

Update on Kelly: He'll be back from training in October so we're going to settle this business with his horses then. This is great because at least I'll get to say bye to him also since who knows how we'll be able to stay in touch. It's so surreal still. Y'all now how when you meet someone and even if they do things that drive you crazy all you can do is smile about it and just take them as they are?...well, that's Kelly. He's become a great friend and all I can hope is that he ends up back home safe and sound next spring.

I'm freakin' right now because I have two - 3 hour tests tomorrow. It's the same 'ol BS crap I had to deal with to get my MI teaching license, and despite being a highly certified teacher Federally, CO wants my moola also and is making me re-take the tests here. I asked if I could just write them a check if they wanted the money that bad. The CO board just laughed....I wasn't joking though. I don't sit still well as it is, and now I've got to try and pull through 2 of these babies with only a few hours in between! Ahhhh! It wouldn't be so bad if I had something to take my mind of stressing in between the two, but as it is I'll be stuck in Alamosa and I figure my options are....getting lunch and studying. And knowing the information studied up to 2 hours before an exam doesn't actually help I'm sure I'll be making excuses to kill time some other way...like go shopping at one of the three or four store we have in the great metropolis of Alamosa.

Oh well. I scored exceptionally high last time I took them...3 years ago. Hopefully I've retained SOME of that information!

Wish me Luck!

God, grant me patience...

Kelly is being deployed to Afghanistan tomorrow. He'll be in training for about a month and then gone for at least 6 months. I really don't know how to feel about this. I was so upset before when I thought he was going and then he wasn't going anywhere, and now I'm trying to figure out when to go pick up his horses (I'm the glorified babysitter), get contact info, talk to him again before he leaves in case I don't get to say good-bye...and I really am not sure it's hit me yet.

What Noise Does a Badger Make?

You have to come see me and give me beer to get the answer to that...but I assure you, my fire crew thinks it's funny...

I decided that since I ended that last post sooooo negatively, I need to somehow make up for it immediatly...so....KUDOS to me for paying off a loan yesterday so I can put that money into paying off yet other crap...it IS headway. AND I am PROUD of myself for even such a small accomplishment. See? Not everything is THAT horrid....(I'll just keep telling myself that...).

I just found these great pics of when the 'kids' were little! Anyone remember Dixie (far left) when she was this small? It's hard to believe Sedona was ever as tiny as she was too! I used to carry her around in my purse everywhere! Mav's as cute as ever too...looks the same, but huge! He still is the best boyfriend ever...

PLUS!

I am worth $2,591,370 on HumanForSale.com

Thanks Crystal!

Labor Day Fun!

Didn't do a whole lot this weekend...worked both Friday and Saturday and then headed to Trinidad to watch my buddy Kelly Wild Horse Race. I got some great pics before Monday's 'ride', but unfortunately, between a dying battery and a horse running at me I couldn't get a focus on the rest of the race. But I think the slide show gives y'all an idea of what racing entails...plus I needed to check this whole 'slide show' business out...I'm hooked!

Wild Horse Racing - Trinidad, Colorado


I was a good time, and to top it off we finally got to finish off a bottle of wine I had brought back from Greece. We also decided picking Chili peppers at 2 am in the neighbors's chili patch was a GREAT idea. I still think so and can't wait to roast them on the grill with cheese and bacon (I'll post that recipie on Yum! Yum! eventually). I think I need to gather up my fire crew when they get back and have a big chili roasting, Marguarita drinking party... Kelly was supposed to be deployed to Iraq yesterday, but is now on hold. I think it's been a bit of relief for everyone who knows him. I hadn't realized how stressed I was about his heading over there until he told me he wasn't going quite yet a few weeks back. And with a little luck won't head over there at all. Keep your fingers crossed all! ...And that they finally start sending our boys back that are already over there!

It's a pretty easy week in school with only three days and two almost over. Plus the Seniors are on retreat and won't be back until tomorrow, so it's been pretty quiet around here. School has been going well so far. I really am enjoying my students and have had some great comments from both students and parents so far. Thank God! I'm having a trying few days in other aspects of my life though...so if you're putting a good thought out...remember me for the next few days.

I'm deciding I need something major to happen in my life...and actually have looked into teaching English overseas (the two hours I was supposed to have Seniors today were dedicated to this). I figure if I'm interested I'd better educate myself. I guess I feel I'm hitting a plateau again and need some kind of change. Of course I don't know if this is it, but I'm opening myself up to options. I'm not really happy with where I'm at in my life and I'm not making headway into anything I really want despite all my attempts to change situations. All it's doing is making me cranky and I find myself torn between getting really mad at working as hard as I do in all aspects of my life and never really getting anywhere, and incredibly depressed that I can't seem to catch a break...and you know how when someone's got your back it just seems to make things that much easier? Well, I'm tired of not having anybody...so I figure a major overhaul of my life is overdue again.

Ok - needed to vent a bit...

Farm Fresh!

Where has the time gone!?! My little pullet is finally a chicken! She has started laying eggs...2 a day so far! Thank goodness, now I can justify her presence without calling her either a glorified pet or Sunday Dinner. Some of you may remember I originally had 3 chicks and a goose. I'm down to one chicken and Lucy, the goose (I had to change her name, we were having an identity crisis). Lucy definitely 'rules the roost' and has the last word in the barnyard. I do believe she has learned to quit picking on the 1500 lb variety though because she has begun to walk with what looks like a permanent limp.

Fire situation update: Despite getting granted leave, I've decided to stick around and take care of the other millions of things I have going on...least of all my career, God forbid! My crew just got back last night and are resting up for the next detail, without me. I'm sad ;( Oh well. It's my choice. So nothing new and exciting, just working 24/7 and still have nothing to show for it. Typical.

Ticker

So it seems I'm counting down to my 10 year High School reunion!?! Ahhhh!?! Where did the time go!?! Anywho - thought I'd explain the ticker and that I'll be in the Detroit area for Thanksgiving! Yeah! Will keep you all updated...mark in on your calender!

National Emergency

So it seems we're in a national emergency fire wise and my crew wants me to try and take leave from school to go. It suddenly got really bad this past week and there are new fires popping up everywhere! You'd never know it to look here...raining everyday. I really want to go, but there are some issues I have to weigh:

Pros:
Great Money
Could pay off another debt
Stop humming and hawing about a new truck and just get it
Get out of the Valley again for a bit
Get in great shape

Cons:
School might not let me go
Probably would have to take leave without pay if they did (though my paycheck would still be larger from the fire)
Have to get a babysitter for the 'kids' again
Have to have detailed lesson plans
Have a test to take on the 16th (but could reschedule for about $100)

I'm sure there are a few more. If school is like 'no way!', I get to be on call here (which is no different than it is now really). But I'm torn between going and being responsible here. It's not like it's for that long...14 to 18...what do y'all think?

The Best Boyfriend...EVER!

So I've decide that Maverick is the best boyfriend a girl can have:

1. He loves to fall asleep on the couch with his head on my lap
2. He keeps my bed warm at night
3. He stays up late waiting for me to come home
4. He doesn't mind waiting in the truck when I go shopping
5. He isn't jealous of other men
6. He always answers when I call for him
7. He is always happy to see me
8. He protects me from big scary things...as long as they aren't too loud
9. He always trys to help carry big, heavy things from my truck
10. He gives me BIG kisses at unexpected times

Yes, I know this is a 'repeat' picture, but I came yesterday prepared with new ones and the server didn't work. Now it does and I'm not prepared. What a pain. But Mav looks the same as ever, just a lot bigger and he has outgrown his red collar for a cool camo one.

On another note: I think I am giving up on dating. I seem to meet these great guys, but it never goes anywhere. Maybe things are in a slump due to some bad timing, maybe it's me, maybe it's them and I'm not seeing it, maybe it a combination...?! Anyway, I'm getting a bit down about it all, and with school going great and everything else I'm not going to let a subject such as boys get me down.

Frustrated?

This is me today after our yearly fall High School meeting before the kids come back....ahhhhhhh!

To top it all off I won't be updated this more than about once a week. I'm rather upset about this, but we had to put some blockers on our computers at school because of the student misuse and unfortunetly the program we're using doesn't allow personal passwords. So I'd have to go get the administrator every time I wanted to get on....such as before school and after when he isn't around. I do have access a few other places, but I will be getting my own access by November when I get a new cell phone that has a wireless connection for the computer too....So until then I promise to check all your blogs out regularly, but I can't leave comments! I'm still here even if you can't all see me!

Last weekend was great. Went to Stratsburg to watch my buddy Kelly Wild Horse Race, then followed him up to Cheyenne for the night. Bar was boring, but we hung out Sunday and went out on his bike, played with his colt (which I get to babysit while he's in Iraq) and cooked Elk on the grill. Then I had to drive home in the worst rain storm I've ever seen in my entire life! If I'd known it was so bad before Denver I would have stayed up North, but made it home finally after 7 hours of VERY slow driving.

Just been getting my classroom ready for school. I'm surprised at how organized I am and my good attitude. That was one goal when I got back from WYO...to have a GOOD attitude about school. So far, so good...those crazy women I work with can't help being a bit off during meetings, and afterall, it obviously didn't kill me.

Logic?

So I seem to have figured out why I do stupid things regularly, like go out on fire as one of two girls on the crew and the only one in my squad...I'm below average in the logical intelligence area...hence what makes me the guys' amusement for a 16 day tour of duty. I was locked in a porta potty (they wanted to see how loud I could yell...), duct taped to a bench, had my boot laces tied to my Nomax pants...you get the picture.

Also, I'm debating the logic behind why I'm going to go on a date with a guy who disappeared from my life for about a month and then sort of popped back in. It's of course more complicated than just that...but still...I do sort of like him, but have been a bit 'warned' off. Why would you disappear if you thought I was so great? And any guy I date had better think I'm so great. I'm not selling myself short here!

And wondering how I'm going to juggle my increasingly busy schedule...working 32 to 64 hours per pay period for the Forest Service, teaching full time, running the ranch and baling for another farm after school for the next few months...crazy? Maybe, but I'm going to be laughing it up when I bring home that new truck of mine!

Speaking of trucks...some of you have wondered what I'm looking for. Preferably New - Used, Ford or Chevy Heavy Duty, Diesel 250 or 2500 with a trailer package and 5th wheel hookup. Going to go in search later next week. I would this weekend, but I think I'm heading to Denver to watch some Wild Horses Racing tomorrow.

Enough rambling for now...

Your IQ Is 100

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Average Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I'M BAAAAAACK!

Ok - got in yesterday evening...pretty uneventful fire weather in Western Wyoming which is where my crew got sent. Instead of being pimped back out to more exciting stuff, we decided to stay on in the area and patrol severity for the station there since we were asked and guaranteed 12 hours/day. Saw a lot of landscape, a little fire, a couple of great concerts at the local county fair (Little Big Town, Trick Pony...), went swimming in the lake a few times (actually mountian fed resevoirs), slept a lot...that's pretty much it in a nutshell. Good pay and really good food...hopefully I can afford to buy a new truck now once i sit down and review my finances.

Anyway - will fill ya all in later and with some pics. Getting some office work done and enjoying my two paid days off...

Going to Wyoming!

Thank you gals for all being so supportive! I've been down butloved getting your comments. I'm leaving here in a few for Wyoming to fight fire for 18 days, so I won't be around at all. I plan on coming back in great shape, with a great new attitude. Figured this is good to clear my head and get back on track with school, work and men. Love you all!

Blah, Blah, Blah...

I know I don't normally do this and am the advocate for keeping your chin up, but honestly? I'm tired of my chipper attitude and keeping a smile on my face for everybody else when I want to throw myself on the ground, kick my legs and scream bloody murder...that's right, a good, old fashioned temper tantrum. I figure maybe if I get this all down, or most of it, I'll feel better since it'll be out of my system. I'm not wanting sympathy...just come visit and go to the bar with me instead.

The last few weeks have been harrowing...actually, this whole year has been so far. It seems everytime I think something is going my way for a change it blows up in my face. Within the last two weeks in particular I've had my dogs stolen, a horse turn over on me, another run for the shed door and when I bailed cracked a rib, my boss argue with me - only to turn around and admit I'm right but take credit for my thoughts to our supervisor, been left incredibly lonely during my ordeals, and to top it all off, it hasn't stopped raining and my paddocks are ankle deep in mud so no training is occurring and rodeo may be out for me yet again this year. I am depressed and unhappy and I can't help but think what could I change to fix these situations short of living in a small, padded cell? I really can't think of anything, so please feel free to share any ideas you have. And yes, I just keep wiping the mud off and moving on through the storm.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (perhaps why I'm feeling so overwhelmed) about what I want in my life that maybe I thought I'd already have by now. So if this is selfish and greedy sounding I apologize in advance.

I want a real home
Really, I've been bouncing around since I was 18. I want someplace to call home, know it's mine, put in some roots...
I want a truck with less than 200,000 miles on it
I love my truck, but really, she deserves to retire...and no matter how hard I work at it, I just am not getting to that goal.
I want someone to belong to no matter how far apart we are (and vise versa)
I don't want to date anymore. I don't want to play games. I want to have that security and just know (ya know?).
I want someone to come home to
Empty house, empty yard, empty fridge...
I want a family that includes people
I love my dogs, cats, horses...goose, chicken...but sometimes I appreciate it when I'm told I'm being a dumbass...
I want a garden
To plan and plant and cultivate...
I want to be able to go out occasionally and be able to find people willing to go with me
I want a life in short. I never get out and hence have problems meeting people. I try, but it's so much nicer when somebody has your back.
I want to be a rodeo star
I do! Therefore I must have my own training facilities and money to do it...I keep trying but have too many setbacks and age working against me...
I want a dark brown, deep, squishy leather couch
To go in the home I want and to throw my bullhide over. Then I could get some cool pillows to match.

I have very good things going on in my life...just sometimes they're hard to see through all the rain. I know this...I'm just down and out and needed to vent. Thanks!

Fire Pics

Finally posting pics from the fire a few weeks ago. Since then it's been raining like crazy everyday, these may be it for this season unless we dry up or get sent up to another state. Sorry my thumb seems to be in a few of them, I haven't edited them yet!

The fire was on the North side of a natural gateway we call Hell's Gate. This is driving into it around 7:00 in the evening. At this point it was smoking real good, but starting to lay down for the night due to an inversion.

One of my crew members and I getting in for the night before spiking camp. We were right under the fire all night and saw a pretty good light show. Unfortunetly since I was using a disposable camera nothing turned out. An old crew member of mine had the other camera I brought and I haven't gotten his pics yet, so maybe some of his turned out. It was pretty spectacular.


Our drop sight on a spot fire we had some trouble getting put out.















Hanging out and trying to get some shade. It's amazing how many people can fit under a few small bushes when they try!







Our drop sight for re-fueling. Water, food, and
chainsaw oil!

Dognapped!

Of all the crazy and bizarre things that happen in my life, this one takes the cake. First off, my 5 days off were extremely boring and consisted of getting ranch work done, horses rode, and my carpets and floor cleaned by hand...oh yeah, I paid bills also. I did actually go to the modified car races on Saturday night to watch the fireworks and discovered Maverick is very scared of them and can cover a lot of ground very quickly. I walked over two miles to finally find him running back to me, so who knows how far he actually ran.

Anyway...so last night I'm sitting on the couch paying bills and hear a vehicle slow down on the road in front of the place. This isn't strange since a student was killed in my drive last spring and people slow down to see the stuff others have left there (whole other story I'm not happy about and am not getting into...). So a few minutes later I head out to take the dogs for a walk and Mav and Sedona are gone. No biggie since they head over to the ditch all the time for a swim so I started walking that way and calling them. Nothing. So then I get mad 'cause I figure Sedona headed down to harass the Goose and Chicken and start that way. Nothing. Now I'm a bit worried so I go out to the road and am looking around and calling...still nothing. I decided to head out with Dixie thinking maybe they just can't hear me since the wind was blowing and start covering the front 200 acres or so along the fence line. Nothing. I call the Sheriff and ask if anyone brought in two dogs off the Hwy. They don't have anything but let the guys know I'm missing my dogs and to bring them home if they find them. This is now about 2 hours into the search and I'm starting to panic since these are like my kids we're talking about here! Ok- I'm heading out in my truck now to see if they made it down to one of the county roads, thinking the whole time time this is impossible, and that they never leave the property or ever go out of calling distance.

And this Bronco pulls into my drive, opens the door and out come the missing pups. The guys like, "we thought these might be your dogs". Now I have no idea who these folks are, but I'm so happy to see them! I ask where he found them and he replies down by the fence...I'm confused and ask what fence? And he says the white one...I look over at MY white fence at the drive about 100 feet away and ask, "my fence?" And he's like "yeah, a few hours ago..." I'm way confused now because I'm thinking this guy stopped and took my dogs from MY yard. Which he did. I don't know why he brought them back, or even why he took them, but I'm just glad to have them. I'm definitely keeping them in the backyard from now on near Dixie who'll eat anyone she doesn't know who comes too close.

Moi, This Week

I am trustworthy and honest
I want a real home
I wish life was not always so full of obstacles
I hate hypocrites
I miss my family
I hear what I want to
I wonder if I will ever be truly satisfied with anything
I regret not thinking before I speak
I am not growing up, ever!
I dance to almost anything
I sing in my truck
I cry when no one can see me
I am not always patient
I make with my hands new fence when my ponies tear it down (this evening's project...)
I write whenever I can
I confuse myself with love
I need to accept my downfalls
I should appreciate more the forces in my life
I start too much
I finish everything I start

Hopefully something exciting occurs this weekend. I was supposed to patrol for fires, but funding fell through, so now I just have to be available if one does start. I have 5 days off and don't know what to do with myself! I suppose I can get a lot done with the ranch, but it would be nice to be a little bit social at least. I'd try and make a date with Chris but I think he may be a bit mad at me at the moment (see above, lines 6,7 and 8). Though I'm really hoping that isn't the case...
I was thinking of going to Greeley for a rodeo if I had a friend there, but unfortunately I can't get hold of him, so that's out. Plus I really want to stick to the forest if there's another fire. I need a new truck and can't pass up the H-pay or overtime!
Long frustrating week...4 10's can really get to you sometimes...but having Friday off is worth it. Sorry I haven't been very insightful lately, it's hard after a long day in the field to be articulate.

Oh yeah! Almost a week ago Izzy (my little Manx cat) had two kittens! This is a step up since last time she only had one. Yeah, my Tomcat's not gay! I'll get pics up since they aren't as newborn ugly as they once were and their eyes are almost open. 2 cute!

Fizzlin' Out

So I was released back to IA (Initial Attack) late Saturday night. It was a bit of a relief after working a 16 hour shift. We got stuck on top of the mountain when the fire jumped the line. Had to wait until the helicopters had dropped enough water to give us a route down. Then it pooured yesterday which was a bit of a Godsend sinc homes were being threatened. As it was we had already evacuated all the livestock and homes nearby. So from what I know in work this morning the fire is more or less out. I dropped off the film from a camera I dug up yesterday, so I should have pics up by next Monday at the latest.

Burn Baby, Burn!

So I've been complaining all week 'cause Chris has been working on the biggest fire in CO so far for the last week which is only about 60 miles from my house - that I'm not on because out forest is too high risk to lose any resources to another area...so today I get called up for my very own fire about 15 miles from my house! Yeah! I'm hurrying up and waiting for the rest of my crew! I'm going to try and dig up a camera since I forgot mine! Wish me luck!